Take It Off
by pineapplegoddess
Summary: Hailey Black has known the boys since middle school and has always been there for them. Being forced to go to Doug's bachelor party will bring memories from the past to the present and complicate already complicated matters. Phil/OC
1. Road Trip

**You wanted it here you go! Please review! **

I walked out of the school and said goodbye to the various children who waved at me and yelled a farewell. I hopped into my car and drove home. It felt like a typical day but it wasn't. My best friend was getting married in this weekend and tonight was his bachelors party.

_Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring_

"Hello?" I said with a smile.

"Where are you?" he asked impatient but happy.

"On my way. I'm sorry unlike Phil, I listen to my students and help them." I said as I turned onto my street. "I'll see you in... three... two... one." I hung up the phone and pulled into my driveway giving the boys a nasty look as I passed them in... WHAT!... a Mercedes? I got out of the car and walked over to the guys.

"No way!" I exclaimed at the car.

"My dad let him borrow it for the weekend." Alan said in the front seat of the car. Phil and Stu were sitting in the back waiting impatiently.

"Can it even fit five people?" I asked looking at the back.

"You'll fit." Doug assured me.

"Come on, Vegas is waiting. Go get your shit, lets go!" Phil said impatiently.

"Okay, Okay. Give me five minutes." I said as I walked over to my door and opened it. I ran in, changed into some jeans and a tank top, went to the bathroom, grabbed my bags and ran out the door locking it and jumping in the back seat making Phil sit next to Stu.

"Vegas!" I screamed as Doug put the car in drive and we were off.

We sat in silence as Phil had already started drinking before we got on highway. But the moment we did Alan stood up screaming 'Road Trip!' We all just laughed at him and continued to have our own conversations with ourselves.

BBBZZZZTT!

"Wow, you're happy to see me." Phil said with a smirk as my phone vibrated in my pocket that was closest to him.

"You wish." I said as I pulled it out. It was a text from Tracy.

_Make sure they don't get into too much trouble._ It said. I rolled my eyes with a smile and put my phone away.

"Come on just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us." Phil said, trying to convince Doug to let him drive.

"Absolutely not. I promised Sid. I will be the only one driving this car. Besides you're drinking." Doug said.

"Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk." Phil said.

"Yeah, tell that to my first car." I muttered next to him.

"Ha! I remember that." Doug said looking in the rear view mirror at me.

"True. Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver." Stu said with a snicker.

"You want to explain it to them Alan?" Doug asked.

"Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah." Alan said.

"Oh that's not true Alan." I said looking at Stu for some reassurance. He just shook his head.

"Aw, whatever. I fought with my ex wife for this weekend off, and I left my son with her so I could go with you guys to Vegas. Do you know how difficult that was?"

"That's really sweet." Alan said as I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah." Doug said with sarcasm.

"Dude. I was being sarcastic. I love my son but dealing with that bitch of an ex wife is killing me. I deal with kids all day I go home and deal with none then every other weekend I get my son. Its ridiculous." Phil said.

"Told you not to marry her." I said as I stole Phil's Beer.

"What like you knew?" Phil said.

"How could you not? She always wore your clothes and cut her hair short and not in a cute pixie cut." I said as I chugged the rest of his beer.

"I thought she wanted to be comfortable." Phil said opening a new beer.

"Ha, whatever." Stu piped in.

"Whatever, you know what Doug?" Phil started.

"Here we go." I said.

"You better enjoy you last night cause come Sunday you're going to start dying. A little bit each day." Phil said.

"Doug, Phil's just being an ass. You and Tracy will have a fine marriage." I said receiving dirty looks from Phil as he opened another beer.

"Haha, yeah that's why I've managed to stay single all this time." Alan said. We all looked at him like he was crazy.

"Really? That's why you're single?" Stu said with sarcasm.

"Yeah." Alan said not catching onto the sarcasm.

"Cool. Good to know." Stu said giving me a look of 'is this guy serious?' I shrugged my shoulders.

"Am I alright over there Alan?" Doug asked.

"Yeah your good." Alan said. Doug began to turn into the lane next to us. A large semi honked his horn we all looked over. We all screamed as Doug swerved to miss the impending collision.

"That was awesome." Alan said.

"That was not awesome! What is wrong with you?" Doug said with labored breathing.

"That was insane we almost just died!" Stu said with the same amount of shock.

"You should've seen your face! Ha classic!" Alan said.

"That's funny" Phil said.

"That was not funny." Doug said.

"Who's hungry?" I asked as soon as my heart rate slowed down.


	2. Bickering

**Thank you for your reviews please continue to review! **

We pulled into a gas station to fill up and get some snacks. Doug filled the car up and walked inside with Phil, Stu and I leaving Alan alone with the car.

I grabbed some beef jerky and a bottle of water and stood next to Doug as we stood and waited to pay. I grabbed a magazine and half paid attention to it and the two men chattering by my side.

"-kind of funny." Phil said.

"Yeah, he means well." Doug said.

"Is he all there. Like mentally?" Phil asked eating his chips before he bought them.

"I think so. He's just an odd guy. You know, he's kind of weird." Doug said.

"I mean should we be worried." Phil asked concerned.

"No"

"All right."

"No"

"Tracy said we shouldn't let him gamble." I said as I put down a magazine I was flipping through. I looked up at Phil as he chewed his chips loudly.

"You seriously couldn't wait 2 minutes to buy your chips before opening them?" I asked Phil as he munched down on his potato chips.

"What did you get anyway? Beef Jerky? Wow isn't that a cry to get laid." Phil said.

"Are you kidding me? The last time you probably got laid was when you knocked your lesbian wife up!"

"Guys, not now." Doug said rolling his eyes. He smiled and walked up to the counter handing the cashier his items.

"Fine." Phil and I both said acting like children we crossed our arms and turned away from each other as we handed the cashier our items.

"She said we shouldn't let him drink to much either." Doug said suddenly remembering.

"Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit." Phil said.

"So should you." I muttered under my breath.

"And one more water." Stu said breaking the glare I was getting from Phil.

"All good with Melissa?" Doug asked.

"Oh yeah." Stu said. "Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it."

"Stu does it bug you that you lie to her? Or that you have to for that matter?" I said.

"Stop giving advice, when you haven't been in a relationship since high school." Phil said to me. He turned to Stu "You've been in a relationship with her for 3 years and you have to lie about going to Vegas?"

"You realize you just said the exact same thing I did?" I asked. "On top of that like you're any better at giving advice?"

"Yeah I do, but trust me its not worth the fight." Stu said ignoring Phil's and my bickering.

"Oh, so you cant go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?" Phil said.

"Hey." Doug said becoming a little embarrassed.

"Bartender." I said correcting him.

"Exactly. Plus She was wasted." Stu said. "And if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."

"And you believe that?" Phil said.

"Hate to say it but I'm siding with Phil on this one." I said.

"Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out be semen." Stu said as we all froze staring at the cashier.

"That'll be $32.50" the cashier said like nothing was going on.

"It's $32.50, you gonna pay for it?" Phil said as he looked at Stu. None of us said a word as we got into the car and continued on our journey.

I was stuck in between Phil and Stu. Phil had his arm around the back of the seat trying so hard not to relax it onto my neck. _God he irritates me so damn much! I act like such a bitch around him but damn he does deserve it. _

"It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?" Alan asked. Doug looked at me in the rear view mirror again.

"I don't think you should be doing much gambling tonight, Alan." Doug said.

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? Its not gambling when you know you're going to win. Counting cards is a fool proof system." Alan said.

"That's cheating Alan." I said wishing I would've got that magazine.

"It's also illegal." Stu said.

"It's not illegal, its frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane." Alan said.

"I'm sure that's illegal too." I said.

"Yeah maybe after 9/11 where everyone got so sensitive." Alan said.

"I'm pretty sure it was before then too." Phil said.

"You would know." I muttered.

"Thanks a lot Bin Laden." Alan said.

"Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?" Doug said.

"Oh really?" Alan asked sarcastically.

"Its not easy." Doug stated.

"Okay, well maybe we should tell that to _Rain Man_ because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a re-tard." Alan said completely serious. We all looked at him from our seats.

"What?" Stu asked.

"He was a re-tard." Alan stated.

"Retard." Doug said laughing.


	3. Vegas Baby!

**Thank you for the reviews guys. This chapter is ridiculously long and I apologize but I couldn't find a way to break it up smoothly. SO without further ado here is the next chapter. Please review and enjoy. **

By the time the sun had gone down we were in Vegas. The lights, the booze, the electric energy, we could barely contain our selves in the car as we pulled up to Caesars Palace. We grabbed our luggage and walked in. Phil got excited when he saw some women walking out.

"Hi, welcome to Caesars." The lobby assistant said. We said our hellos back.

"Checking in?" She asked.

"Yeah. We have a reservation under Dr. Price." Stu said.

"Okay, let me look that up for you." she said.

"Dr. Price? Stu, you're a dentist, okay? Don't try and get fancy." Phil said.

"Higher degree than you." I said.

"And you, same profession sweetheart." Phil said.

"Its not fancy, if its true." Stu said.

"He's a dentist. Don't get too excited. And if, uh, someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911." Phil continued.

"We will be sure to do that." she said.

"Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?" Alan asked. My pocket began to vibrate. I took out my phone it was Tracy.

"Thank God." I whispered and answered the phone.

"Tracy!" I said a little loud so the boys knew who I was talking to and where I was going when I walked over to the fountain in the middle.

"_Hi Hailey, how is everything?" _Tracy asked.

"Everything is going great. We just got to Vegas and we are checking into the hotel right now."

"_Good. How are you and Phil?"_ she asked.

"We are bickering like an old married couple. God he gets on my nerves so much!"

"_Well, don't forget this is for Doug. In a couple of days you wont have to see him again for a long time. I really appreciate you going with them. Doug was worried you wouldn't go because you're a girl and the maid of honor." _

"Unfortunately I've been in situations like these before, where its just suppose to be the guys but then I'm there. Its the gift of knowing them since middle school." I said with a smile as I looked at the boys. "Except Alan, what is his deal anyway?"

"_Hell, if I know. Just watch out for him and don't let him do anything too crazy. You should probably keep him away from Phil." _

"I wish it was that easy to keep away from him."

"_Hailey..." _

"What?"

"_You're doing it again." _

"No I'm not."

"_Right whatever. I will see you guys tomorrow and for our bridal shower!" _

"Oh ya its going to be awesome! See ya then Hun!"

"_Give my love to Doug." _

"I will."

"_Bye."_

"Bye." I hung up the phone and walked over to the guys. The assistant just gave us the keys.

"Have fun." she sad with a smile.

We rode the elevator up to the top floor. We walked over to our room.

"The Villa? Guys are you kidding me?" I asked as Stu opened the door.

"Holy Shit!" Stu said as we walked in. Phil gasped and let out a groan.

"This place is bigger than my house. Nicer too." I said in shock looking around.

"Now this is Vegas." Phil said.

"Oh, my- this place is enormous." Doug said as we all walked around.

"This is what I'm talking about!" Phil said as he looked at the Vegas view.

"Is this all one suite? Thank you guys. Or should I say 'Thank you, Stu'?" Doug said.

"You're welcome. It's only because I love you." Stu said.

"Well, I'm going to go get ready." I said walking into a random bedroom.

"Cause it takes you so damn long!" Phil said as I closed the door behind me. I let out a breath and walked over to the bathroom. This place was really so much nicer than my own. I stepped into the shower and got to work of getting the sweat, dirt, wind particles, and the day in general off of me.

I got out and heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Doug." he answered.

"Come in." I said as the door opened. My robe was tight around my waist as I sat at the desk and did my make up.

"Look at you all clean. Damn this is a nice room." he said as he sat on the bed. "How are things?"

"Tracy and I already went through this." I said as I applied mascara.

"I know but I haven't."

"I'm fine Dougie."

"You two bicker a lot."

"Thank you for noticing."

"I think its cause-"

"You finish that sentence I will kill you and send my regards to Tracy." I said stopping my make up and looked at him.

"OK but that's what I think."

"You're up in the night."

"Yeah, I guess. I'll let you finish. Come out when you're done." he said as he left.

I stood up and put on my silver strapless dress. I let my blond hair go free and wild. I had to admit, I looked hot! I walked out of my room and into Stu's where I could hear Phil yelling at him.

"-big fucking mistake." Phil said.

"Whats a big fucking mistake?" I asked as I walked into the room. Stu and Doug whistled. Phil just sat and stared.

"I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding after the ceremony." Stu said excited looking at Doug. When I looked over at Stu I could see Phil smirking at me, thinking I couldn't see him.

"Stuey, congratulations!" Doug said.

"Thank you, Doug." Stu said as he stood in nothing but his tighty whities.

"Stu- I- Is that your grandma's ring?" I said looking at the ring still in Doug's hands.

"Yeah." Stu said with a shit eating grin.

"Wait, have you not listen to anything I have ever said?" Phil said.

"Phil, we've been dating for three years. Its time. This is how it works." Stu said.

"Just because your marriage failed doesn't mean everyone else will too. Stu, I don't think you should." I said to Phil then to Stu.

"Why not?"

"Stu, right now you're lying to her because she will start a fight with you if you don't. That's not healthy." I explained.

"Like you know a healthy relationship. A. Stu that is bullshit. And B, she's a complete bitch." Phil said.

"Hey that's his fiancee." Doug said.

"What? It's true. Its true. You know it's true. She beats him." Phil said as he got up and walked over to Doug. I nodded my head in agreement.

"That was twice, and I was out of line." Stu said.

"Stu, lets play something really quick, lets say I did something out of line. Alright? Like I ate the last cookie from your cookie stash. You gonna hit me?" I asked.

"No, of course not." Stu said shaking his head at the thought.

"Touche then." I said.

"She's strong willed. I respect that." Stu said ignoring me.

"Wow. Wow." Phil said. "He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor."

"Bartender." I said.

"Guys I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying." Stu said.

"We're just concerned about it Stu. She cheated on you. That should've been enough for you to dump her right then and there. Drunk or not." I said.

"You know all about that, right Hailey?" Phil said looking at the ground then to me. Anger boiled in my veins as I opened my mouth.

"Phil I swear to god-" I began as Alan walked into the room interrupting me.

"Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?" Alan said.

"What?" Doug asked.

"Do what?" Phil asked.

"Let the dogs out. You know like '_Who let the dogs out, who? Who? Who?'_" Alan sang.

"Who brought this guy along?" Phil asked.

"Yes, Alan, we are ready to let the dogs out." Doug said letting out a breath he had been holding. Once Stu was dressed we were out the door walking down the hall. I almost felt like a supermodel walking in my high heels. I never wore high heels. I couldn't help but get the feeling Phil was watching my ass so I swayed it just a little more than usual, this was Vegas I could tease him, right?

"I love this fucking town." Phil said as he pushed the button for the elevator. "You're not really wearing that, are you?" Looking at Alan as he held his man purse.

"Wearing what?" Alan asked confused.

"The man-purse." Phil said. "You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me? Hailey doesn't even have a bag."

"That's why I have breasts." I said pulling out my ID from my bra and placing it back in. Phil didn't even hide the fact he was staring.

"It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this." Alan said as he broke the contact that Phil had with my breasts. "Plus its not a man purse. Its called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

"So does Joy Behar." Phil said as the elevator doors open to a man giving woman head. He stood up as she adjusted her dress acting like nothing had happened.

"We're going up, guys." The man said.

"Yeah, that's perfect." Phil said as he ushered us into the elevator.

"Really?" Stu said.

"We're going up?" Doug asked.

"Apparently." I said. The couple got out and we continued to go up. We hit the last floor which was the roof.

"Really?" I asked as we walked out of the elevator.

"There are signs everywhere saying we shouldn't be up here." Stu said.

"I know." I said but continued to follow Phil's lead.

"I'm just saying its clearly marked, okay?" Stu said as Phil opened the door to the roof. "We are defiantly not suppose to be up here."

"Come on Stu, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want." Phil said as climbed a step or two the ladder which lead to the higher roof. I began to take off my heels.

"Yeah but-" Stu began.

"Just wedge the door open." Phil said as he began to climb. "Guys come on up here." The boys followed after and I insisted I go last.

"How the hell did you find this place?" Doug asked as he climbed.

"Don't worry about it." Phil said.

"Look at the view up here." Doug said.

"Just when you thought it couldn't get more beautiful." I said.

"You happy?" Phil asked Doug.

"This is great." Doug said.

"Whoa!" Stu exclaimed. We all walked over to the corner of the roof. "Are you kidding?"

"Alan, how we doing buddy?" Phil asked.

"Good." he said as he walked over to us.

"What do you got over there Alan?" Doug asked.

"That's the Eiffel Tower." Stu said as he pointed it out to me.

"I'd like to see the real one." I said with a smile and turned towards Alan.

"Uh-Oh. A little Jagermeister." Doug said.

"Oh God." I said in disgust looking at the bottle. Alan handed all of us a shot glass.

"Good Idea." Doug said.

"Good Call." Phil said.

"On the roof?" Doug said as Phil poured the Jager.

"Um, no, this is good. I'd like to make a toast." Stu began. "To Doug and Tracy. May tonight be but a minor speed bump in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage."

"Cheers." We all said and clinked our shot glasses together.

"Short and sweet." Phil said as we all shot the liquid down our throats. I gagged.

"That stuff never gets better does it?" I said as I gagged again.

"Oh, it's like college." Doug said.

"All right. I want to talk about something." Phil said.

"All right." Doug said .

"I want to-" Phil began as Alan interrupted him.

"I'd like to- I'd like to say something that I prepared tonight." Alan said.

"All right, Alan." Doug said tapping Phil on the shoulder as Alan pulled out a piece of paper.

"Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home. I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack grew by one. So were there two- so there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack and then Doug joined later. And then Doug brought Hailey around. Even though she is a girl, my wolf pack added another wolf. And then six months ago when Doug introduced me to Phil and Stu, I thought: 'Wait a second. Could it be?' and now, I know for sure. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack." Alan said.

"All right." Stu and Doug said nodding.

"Five of us wolves running around the desert together in Las Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight I make a toast-" Alan said as he brought out a switch blade.

"What-?" Phil said.

"What do you got there?" Doug asked.

"Whoa!" We all yelled and jumped back as Alan cut his hand.

"Dude what the fuck?" Phil said.

"Jesus, Alan!" I said.

"What the hell are you doing?" Doug said.

"What is that?" Stu asked.

"Blood Brothers." Alan said.

"Don't- why did you?" Stu said.

"Damn it." Doug said.

"Here." Alan said trying giving the knife to Stu.

"Alan- No, Alan. No." Doug said.

"No, I'm not doing that." Stu said.

"Go ahead Stuart." Alan said.

"Make him stop." Stu said.

"Alan give me the knife." I said as he gave it to me. "Thank you." I said as I folded it up and placed it behind me.

"Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves." Doug said.

"You all right? Are you okay?" Phil asked Alan.

"Mm-mm" Alan said as he was sucking the blood from his hand.

"Do you need a doctor?" Phil asked.

"He's good." Doug said.

"All right, good, because I need everyone to focus. I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about some- I wanna talk about memory. No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory. You see, whatever happens here tonight may as well never happened at all because this circle's about as far as its ever going to go. In other word forget everything." Phil said as Doug laughed. "Doug, I'm serious I have a kid at home. Okay, good or bad, we don't remember so we got nothing to talk about. Nothing guys. Nothing. Deal?"

"Deal." Doug said with a smile.

"Deal" Stu said as Alan nodded his head.

"Shouldn't be too hard for you." I said to Phil. "Deal." I said rolling my eyes.

"Right back at ya. Perfect. Alan, come here, buddy." Phil said.

"Get in here, crazy." Stu said.

"All right, to a night we'll never remember but the five of us will never forget." Phil said as he filled the shot glasses with more Jager. We took a shot and that's when everything was lost.


	4. The Morning

**Thank you for the reviews guys. This chapter is ridiculously long as well, I think that's how most will be. Also, for those of you who dont know I have a poll of characters that I have ideas for stories. Please go and vote, this is how this story got posted in the first place. (and when this story gets further along the sequel will be put on the poll so keep a look out (you can vote more than once)) SO without further ado here is the next chapter. Please review and enjoy. **

"Ugh" the noise escaped my lips. I didn't even know it was me until I did it again. My head was pounding like a person was in my brain with a jack hammer. I curled into myself and went back to sleep. A sharp jolt and and then the sounds of someone falling made me sit up.

"What the fuck?" Phil said sitting next to me holding his side in pain.

"What the fuck?" I said as I stared at him sitting next to me shirtless. I looked down so was I. I grabbed for the blanket and covered my chest. Phil looked at me wide eyed in shock then looked past me.

"Goddamn, will you put on some pants?" Phil said to the body that had collided with ours, Alan.

"Pants." I said as I looked under the blanket. Nothing. "Oh my god." I said as Phil looked under the covers, he wasn't wearing any pants either. "Well, that explains that pain. Damn you've grown into a man." I said admiring his package. He pulled the covers back over him revealing my chest as I grabbed for the blanket.

"Do not go in the bathroom." Alan said still in shock at whatever he was in shock with.

"Alan, just calm down." I said.

"Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom!" Alan said.

"Whats going on?" Stu said from a seat near the bar.

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" Alan said turning around showing Phil and I his bare ass.

"Okay, okay Al. I'll go check it out." Phil said.

"Don't go in!" Alan said.

"How do you suppose you're going to do that? There is one blanket and two naked people under it." I said.

"Come on." He said standing up and lifting me with him.

"Ow, what the fuck?" I said looking down at my hand. "What the fuck?" I repeated lifting my arm revealing a hard cast.

"Jesus what did you do?" Phil asked.

"I don't know." I said as we walked together to the bathroom. Phil peeked in as growling could be heard.

"Holy Fuck! He's not kidding! There's a tiger – Whoa!" Phil said as he turned around fast closing the door and slipped on the blanket sending us down.

"Dammit Phil!" I said as I laid on top of him naked still naked.

"See? See?" Alan said. I felt Phil begin to harden.

"OH hell no!" I said as I shot up into the air and walked to my room completely naked not caring in the slightest. I grabbed my robe from the night before and sat on my bed and looked at my hand, it was in a cast. I tried to look at my fingers, they were all purple, blue and swollen. _What the hell happened last night?_I closed my eyes as a chicken walked past my feet. I could hear the guys outside talking amongst themselves. I heard a light knock on the door.

"What?" I asked with some venom as Stu opened the door.

"Is Doug in here?" He asked. I looked around.

"No." I said. "He's missing?" Stu nodded and walked in and closing the door behind him. I placed my hand on my head and felt a sharp pain next to my eye. I looked in the mirror at my horrible black eye.

"Are you OK?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I don't know." I said. "I don't know what happened last night. My arm and fingers appear to be broken, my eye is all bruised, I don't know what I did. I don't know what I did with Phil-" The door cracked open revealing Phil. He looked over at me with puppy dog innocent like eyes.

"I'm taking a quick shower. Does anyone know where I can find a plastic bag for my hand?" I said walking over to my suit case and grabbed the clothes I wore on the way down to Vegas. Phil handed Stu a trash bag which he handed to me. "I'll be a couple of minutes, don't leave." I said as I stepped into the bathroom. I let the warm water hit my back. I let a few tears fall. I didn't know what happened last night and I was in pain everywhere. This couldn't be happening. _Doug is missing pull yourself together. _I washed my body down not knowing what I could be covered in and then stepped out of the shower. I wrapped myself in towels and stared at myself in the foggy mirror. Now that I was clean I could see various bruises everywhere as well as some small cuts. My back began to sting, I removed the towel to reveal a dragon tramp stamp. I let out a scream.

"What? What? What?" Phil said as he barged into the bathroom without knocking. My reaction was to cover up but knowing what I did last night with him I'm sure he had seen me naked already. He hid a snicker at the tattoo, until he saw my face.

"Oh my god what happened?" he asked walking closer to me.

"I got a tattoo." I said looking at it in the mirror.

"No, your face you look like you were in one hell of a fight." Phil said as he reached for my face. "Hailey, have you been crying?" He used a tone of voice I hadn't heard since high school. I looked up at him.

"No." I responded and looked down and walked out of the bathroom.

"Liar. You don't leave rooms and say no like that unless you're lying." he said as he stood next to me. I sat at the desk I had the night before to do my makeup. I had to try and cover up some of these bruises.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said as I applied concealer like it was going out of style.

"Hailey, Hail. Talk to me." Phil said.

"You haven't called me that since our senior year." I said glancing up at him.

"Just because we get on each others nerves doesn't mean I don't care." he said.

"You sound like a corny soap star." I said as I finished my mascara. I began putting on some fresh clothes.

"Dammit Hailey do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" he snapped.

"Do you have to be such an asshole?" I asked.

"I wasn't-" he began as I walked out of the room fully clothed. "Dammit Hailey, we have to talk about this."

"I don't want to. We have more important things to worry about. Where's Doug?" I asked Stu and Alan.

"We don't know." Stu said. I stared at the ceiling and let out an exaggerated breath.

"Alan, did you check all the rooms?" Phil said in a frustrated tone standing behind me.

"Yeah , I looked everywhere. Funny thing he's mattress was missing." Alan answered standing next to Stu with a sheet wrapped around his waist.

"Look whatever, he probably went to the pool to get something to eat. I'll call his cell." Phil said resting one hand on my shoulder and searching for his phone in his pocket. I shrugged my shoulder as he removed his hand and called Doug.

"I look like a nerdy hillbilly." Stu said as he looked at his reflection.

"Ha ha, you're missing a tooth." I said as he gave me a dirty look. "I'll trade ya." As I waved my cast arm back and fourth and pointing to my eye. He nodded giving me the upper hand but continued to look at his missing tooth.

A phone began to ring around where Stu and Alan were. We watched Alan pick up the phone and answer it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Alan." Phil said shaking his head.

"Hey." Alan said.

"It's Phil."

"Oh, hey, Phi- This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone." Alan said finally realizing it. I rolled my eyes.

"No shit." Phil said.

"Yeah." Alan answered.

"WAHHH" We heard a noise. None of us moved and we all stared at each other. We all knew that noise way to well.

"What the fuck is that?" Stu asked.

"You've got to be kidding me." I said. The noise was coming from behind Phil and I. We slowly turned around as Stu and Alan walked up behind us. We walked over to the closet as Stu opened it. Sure enough a baby in a car seat was sitting in there crying dressed in all blue.

"Oh my god." I said.

"Who's fucking baby is that?" Phil asked.

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?" Stu asked.

"Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here." Alan said. "Check its collar or something."

"Alan." I said shaking my head. "Its not a dog it's human baby. It's human baby. We have a human baby."

"Hailey, calm down." Phil said knowing where my head was going.

"Phil, how can we calm down? There is a tiger in the bathroom, a baby in the closet, chickens in my room as well as around this disaster area of a suite and Doug is missing. On top of that its like high school with you all over again!" I snapped as the baby began to cry louder.

"There's chickens?" Alan asked.

"Shh. Shh." Stu said as we walked over to the baby with his hands out. Phil was staring at me, I could tell he was pissed.

"It's okay, baby." Stu said to the baby. Phil let out a long deep breath.

"Stu, we don't have time for this." Phil said as Stu played with the baby's hand. "Look, let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later."

"Phil! We're not going to leave a baby in the room." Stu and I both blurted out. Stu much more calmer than I.

"Like Hailey said, there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom." Stu said.

"Its not our baby." Phil said.

"Yeah, I gotta side with Stu and Hailey on this one." Alan said.

"It might not be but it sure as hell is now." I said as I reached in and grabbed the car seat with the baby in it.

"All right fine. We will take it with us. Could you at least find some pants?" Phil said to Alan, giving up. I put the car seat on the couch and took the baby out.

"Hi little buddy." I said as I held the baby he cooed in my arms. I checked his diaper there was thankfully nothing.

Alan walked in the room with pants on finally, he walked over to me.

"Hey Alan." I said as I bounced the baby a teensy bit.

"Can I hold him?" he asked with a teddy bear smile.

"Yeah." I said as I handed him to Alan.

Alan's eyes lit up and he started to giggle a little.

"He's so tiny." Alan said as I looked around for more baby items.

"Most babies are." I said as I found a chest holder straddle thing for the baby to sit strapped to your chest. Hell I'm not a mother I don't know what they are called.

"Hey Alan, how would you like to carry the baby on your chest." I said as I held up the contraption. His eyes lit up even more.

"I'd like that." he said. I placed the baby back in its car seat and wrapped the device around Alan and placed the baby in it.

"Are we ready?" Phil said impatiently.

"Yeah lets go." I said.

We all stood in the elevator. Stu holding an ice rag to his missing tooth. Alan with the baby, Phil standing arms crossed next to me.

"Why cant we remember a goddamn thing from last night?" Stu asked us.

"Because we obviously had a great fucking time." Phil said. I gave him a look as we stood there.

"What I want to know is how the hell this happened." I said about my arm.

"Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute?" Phil said to Stu, who was almost bouncing in anticipation.

"I don't know, Phil. Maybe its because I'm missing a tooth. Or maybe its because there's a tiger in our hotel room which incidentally is completely destroyed. Oh, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I know. Maybe it's because we found a baby, a human baby. That's it. That's it. Its because we found a fucking baby. You know Hailey had many fine points back there in the hotel room. We have the normal reaction to all of this." Stu ranted.

"I don't think you should curse around the child." Alan said.

"Really? You shouldn't be around a child." Stu said. Phil was staring at me as I stared at my cast. The elevator stopped and opened to an older lady who stood next to Alan.

"Oh how cute. What's his name?" the lady asked about the baby. Phil looked over then back at me I shrugged my shoulders.

"Ben." Phil said smiling to the lady.

"Carlos." Alan said staring straight in front of him.

"Carlos." Phil repeated as the elevator continued to the lobby.


	5. Empty Your Pockets

**Thanks for the reviews here's a smaller chapter for ya. Please review and emjoy. **

We walked out on to the patio and sat near the pool.

"I'm going to check with the front desk and look around a bit." Stu said.

"I'm coming with you." I said as I followed him back inside. We walked around everywhere looking for Doug. At one point Stu and I split up to look for him. I met back up with Stu and the front desk. I turned to the lady behind the counter.

"Hey have you guys seen a guy, yay tall, dark hair, blue eyes, handsome walking in?" I asked the lady behind the counter.

"You just described half the people in Vegas." She said being completely rude. I looked at Stu as we walked away. We walked back to the patio where Phil, Alan and the baby were eating breakfast.

"Wow Phil, you look like shit." I said as I saw him in the natural light. His eyes were all red and swollen.

"Could say the same to you sweetheart." Phil said taking a drink of his orange juice.

"We looked everywhere." Stu said as we sat down. "Gym, casino, front desk."

"No one has seen Doug. He's not here." I said stealing a piece of bacon from Phil.

"He's fine. He's a grown man. Seriously guys calm down. Here have some juice." He said handing Stu his juice. Stu took one look at the drink and threw up, thankfully on the side I was not sitting on.

"I cant have juice right now." Stu said.

"Clearly." I said taking the juice.

"Okay. All right. Let's just track this thing." Phil said as he got out a pen and napkin. "Whats the last thing we remember doing last night?"

"Drinking disgusting Jager." I said gagging again at the memory, Stu gagged as well.

"That was the first thing. When we were on the roof with the Jager." Alan pointed out again.

"And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?" Phil asked looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't remember eating." I said.

"That's right." Alan said. "And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there." Alan said.

"That sounds right. No, no he definitely was." Phil said as he wrote it down.

"I cant remember dinner either, guys." Stu said.

"I know. What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over." Phil said admitting he didn't remember dinner either.

"After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness." Alan said while laughing.

"Okay, we have up until 10 pm, so that gives us a 12 hour window where we could have lost him." Phil said.

"What is this?" Alan asked holding up a white piece of something.

"Oh, my God. That is my tooth. Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?" Stu asked as he grabbed his tooth.

"This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets. Check your pockets." Phil said.

"I didn't have pockets." I said with a shrug and drank some more juice. Phil stood up and emptied his pockets on the table as a wedding ring fell onto it in two pieces. I looked at it in shock.

"What the fuck is that?" I said looking up at Phil. Stu grabbed it.

"Its a womans wedding ring. It looks like it was cut. This happened to my mom once, she got stung by a bee on her hand and it swelled up 3 times its size. They had to cut her wedding ring off-" Stu said as he stopped short and stared at me. I stared at the ring then back to him then to Phil.

"Uh huh. No way in hell." I looked at my hand wrapped in a cast.

"It is the left hand." Stu said.

"Never happened." I said. "What else is in your pockets?" I looked frantically at everyone's small pile to get Stu's, Alan's and Phil's stare away from me. Stu handed Phil the broken ring as he stared at it in his hand Stu looked at his pile.

"I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio. Eleven-oh-five for $800! I am so fucked." Stu said even more pissed.

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15 AM." Alan said.

"Oh, shit. We drove last night?" Phil said finally snapping out his trance with the ring in his hand. I glanced at his left hand there was a small band on that special finger. I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Driving Drunk. Classic." Alan said. Stu mocked his laughter.

"What's on your arm?" Alan asked Phil.

"What the fuck is that?" Phil said looking at a bracelet around his wrist. He noticed a ring on his finger and gave me a side glance but kept quite.

"Jesus, Phil. You were in the hospital last night." Stu said.

"You okay?" Alan asked Phil.

"Yeah Alan. I'm fine." Phil said annoyed.

"In the hospital TOO." I corrected. "Don't forget about my hand. We were obviously there for the both of us, if not for all of us."

"Do you have a wrist band?" Alan asked. I shook my head no.

"So the question is what happened to me and what happened to you, and is it related?" I asked. "You don't look damaged, other than the usual look." I tried to act normal considering the fact that Phil and I could have gotten married, and we were both in the hospital together.

"What the hell is going on." Stu said in frustration.

"Well, Stu, Stu this is a good thing. We have a lead now." Phil said.

"Hey Stu, Hailey, watch this." Alan said as he made it look like the baby was jacking off. We all involuntary giggled.

"You ever seen a baby do that?" Alan asked.

"Dude, Alan, not cool." Stu said trying to be serious.

"Well, lets go get the car I want to find out how I broke my arm." I said.


	6. Cop Car

**Thanks for the reviews here's a smaller chapter for ya. Please review and emjoy. **

"I'm gonna get some coffee to go." I said walking off to the lobby.

"Get me one too." Phil said as I walked off.

"Ok." I yelled back. I filled the cups up and walked out handing one to Phil and stood next to the others.

"Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes." Alan said with his sunglasses on the baby.

"Relax. We'll be careful." Phil said.

"My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge-" Alan said before getting interrupted.

"Alan. We got bigger problems here. Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt." Phil said.

"Lets worry about the car later." I said to Alan patting his shoulder.

"Uh, guys? Check it out." Stu said pointing at the roof. We all turned to what he was staring at. There was a mattress impaled on one of the statues of Caesar.

"You don't think-" I began to ask but stopped myself in awe.

"What the fuck?" Phil asked.

"Is that the mattress from Doug's room?" Alan asked. Phil walked over to a person who was placing things in his trunk.

"Hey, man, whats going on here?" Phil pointed to the mattress.

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night." the man said.

"No shit." Phil said.

"Yeah, some guys just cant handle Vegas." the man said as he shut his trunk and got into his car.

"Oh God." Stu said.

"Its going to be okay, Stu." I said as Phil patted him on the shoulder.

"How the hell did we manage that?" Phil asked as a police car pulled up in front of us. We all looked at it fearing we were about to get arrested for something from last night.

"Here you go officers." the valet said as he got out of the car.

"Oh God." Stu repeated.

"All right everybody act cool. All right, don't say a word. Come on, lets just get in and go. Come on." Phil said as he walked over to the drivers side.

"Stu you got a five?" Phil asked Stu.

"No." Stu said.

"I do." I said walking behind Phil to the back door. "Here you go." I gave the five to the valet. I got in when Phil did and heard the baby crying outside.

"You know its not that bad." Phil said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"If we got married." he stated.

"We didn't get married." I said looking at my arm.

"Your glasses are fine, dick." Stu said as Alan got in the car. He placed the baby between the two of us.

We sat in traffic just outside of the hotel. Phil was getting annoyed and honking the horn for people to go.

"This is so illegal." Stu said.

"Cant you see the fun in anything?" Phil asked.

"Will you stop honking the horn?" I asked as he did it again.

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with a missing child in the back seat." Stu said as I smiled down at the baby. "Which part of this is fun?"

"I think the cop-car is pretty cool." Alan said.

"Thank you, Alan. It is cool. Doug would love it." Phil said.

"I like the baby, not necessarily a cool thing but he's cute." I said. All three men looked at me like I was insane. "What? You guys like the car I like the baby. Whats so surprising about that?"

"We just got married, its too early to think about kids." Phil said.

"Phil for the last goddamn time-" I began as he started yelling.

"Come on!" He said honking the horn. After a couple of seconds he turned on the sirens. "Check this out." He said as he pulled onto the sidewalk.

"No, Phil. No. NO. NO. PHIL!" Stu and I both exclaimed.

"Take it easy." Phil said.

"This just causes more attention to us." Stu said.

"Phil put the radio down." I said as he grabbed it and began talking.

"Attention. Attention please. Move out of the way. I repeat please disperse." Phil said. I sunk lower in the seat and prayed this would end soon.

"Phil, stop the car, I want to get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over." Stu kept saying.

"Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have a nice rack." Phil said over the radio.

"Phil, please for the love of god!" I asked.

"Get off the sidewalk. Get off the sidewalk." Stu said.

"I should have been a fucking cop." Phil said as he drove off the sidewalk and off into now moving traffic.


	7. Doctors

**Thanks for the reviews here's a longer chapter for ya. I wanted to mention this earlier and forgot. I don't mean to offend anyone when I use the lesbian references. It's just a story and please don't be offended. Please review and enjoy. **

We drove up to the hospital and Phil parked the car in the front of the building.

"Really Phil? Whats wrong with the parking lot?" I asked.

"We're in a police car. No one will notice. See we even have police parking." He said as we walked through the doors. We walked up to the information desk.

"Oh goody, you guys again." the receptionist said.

"Oh good you remember us." I said sarcastically.

"Is the doctor that treated us still here?" Phil asked.

"Yes. Go up to the 3rd floor. He's with a patient right now but you might catch him before he see's his next one." she said.

"Thank you." I said as we walked to the elevator and went up.

"Oh god its you again." A tall balding man in a white coat said as we walked off the elevator and to the nurses station.

"Fantastic." I muttered.

"Doctor, we cant remember what happened to us. Can you tell us?" Phil walked up and asked like they had been best friends forever. He looked at his watch and turned to the nurse.

"Will you pull up their charts while I go treat Felix?" he asked the nurse.

"Yes, doctor." she said as she left to find them.

"Look you all came in last night you had mild concussion, some bruised ribs. She came in with a broken hand and looked like she had the shit beat out of her. Now, I have a patient, to see." the doctor said as began to walk away.

"Wait, doc." Phil said running after. "Can you tell us more?"

"Come in with me." the doc said walking into a room. "Except you. Sorry you're a woman." The guys followed him into the room. I walked back over to the nurses station and talked to the nurse from before.

"So, were you here last night when we came in?" I asked. The nurse yawned and nodded.

"Yes, I was. It was sure one hell of a sighting. You all were completely smashed. Can I ask you a personal question?" she said.

"Sure." I said confused.

"Did your husband beat you?" she asked.

"What?" I asked her even more confused.

"Your husband, the one that came in with the concussion. Did he hit you and did you react in self defense? You can tell me." She said. I shook my head at her.

"He's not my husband, and I'm sure if Phil hit me he would have had more than a concussion. Hammered or not." I said.

"Oh but he is, see." She said as she showed me my chart. Hailey Wenneck.

"Oh god." I said as the boys and the doctor walked out of the room. The doctor came over to us and grabbed the charts.

"Are you okay?" Stu asked. I shook my head.

"Alright lets walk." the doctor said as we followed him. "Okay, here we go. Patient names, Phil and Hailey Wenneck, 2:45 AM arrival." Phil looked at me in shock but calmed down after a second. "Phil: minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard. Hailey: broken hand. Mild bruising. Some scratches. Again pretty standard. Ma'am did he hit you?" The doctor asked as he turned to me.

"No, he didn't hit me." I said. "I want to hit him."

"Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor." Stu said as he tried to grab the charts.

"Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist. Okay this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning. Wow. Ma'am how well do you know these gentlemen?"

"Very well. Since middle school." I said not knowing where he was going with this.

"They found a large amount of Ruphylin in both of your systems." the doctor said.

"Great." I said as Phil looked confused.

"Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date rape drug." the doctor said.

"What, so, what are you saying I was raped last night?" Phil asked jokingly.

"Actually-" The doctor looked through the chart as Phil's fun demeanor dropped. "I don't think so. For both of you. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything." Alan laughed.

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?" he said. We all gave him a 'really' look.

"Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us?" Phil asked confused.

"Look, I wouldn't worry about it, guys. By now the stuff is out of your system. You're going to be fine. I have to go." the doctor said.

"Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor. Is there anything else? Like something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?" Stu asked, the doc shook his head.

"Actually, there was something. You guys kept talking about a wedding last night." I looked up at Phil and wanted to cry. How could this have been happening? Stu looked at us and shook his head.

"Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow." Stu said hoping for the best even though it was pointless at this point.

"No. It was some wedding you just came from at the- uh- Best Little Chapel. You kept saying how awesome and crazy it was, how you've been waiting forever to do it. By the look on her face it must have been yours." the doctor said as he looked at me. Phil dug around his pockets for the napkin and found a pen and began to write this all down. "Okay, I hope this helps. I really have to leave. Congratulations." he said as he began to turn.

"Best Little Chapel, you know where that is?" Phil asked.

"I do. Its at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck off." the doctor said. "I'm a doctor not a tour guide. Figure it out yourselves, okay? You're adults." he said and walked off. Phil finished writing and we walked to the elevator.

"This is so exciting." Alan said as we rode down.

"Alan don't." Stu said looking at my reflection in the elevator doors.

"What? They got married in Vegas its romantic." Alan said.

"Alan, shut up." Stu said as the ding of the elevator signaled we had reached the ground floor. I walked off the elevator like it was on fire. I practically ran to the car hyperventilating and panicking.

"Hailey! Goddammit Hailey!" I could hear Phil running after me. When he finally got to the car I had shed a few tears.

"Hailey, what the fuck?" he said as I slapped him. "What is all this about? We can get divorced."

"Goddammit Phil you don't get it do you?" I said yelling at him. He shook his head. "I wanted this when we were younger Phil. I had dreams about us running to Vegas to get married. On graduation night that's what you told me we were going to do. No instead you when to Bobby's party got drunk and fucked Stephanie!" I was screaming by now.

"That was over 10 years ago. Get over it!" he yelled back.

"Me get over it? Its all you've been talking about since Doug picked me up! You're the one who needs to let it go!" I said as I walked to my side of the car, which was also his.

"I loved you Phil, and you betrayed me." I said.

"It was high school, Hailey!" Phil said sternly. "We both knew it wasn't going to last."

"I didn't. From graduation on we were suppose to get married." I screamed. Stu ran over to the car.

"Guys come on Doug is missing."

"No, she wants to talk about it now. Lets talk about it." Phil said as he slammed the door closed again. "Hailey I was drunk! I was barely 18! Give me a break!"

"No Phil. No. Because not even a week before that was when you took my V-card. After that you were different, not me. It couldn't have been a commitment issue because you went and fucked Stephanie and ended up marring the lesbian bitch. No it had something to do with me. Admit it." I said standing within inches of him.

"Yes it was you! Look at yourself Hailey! The thought of spending the rest of my life with you scared the shit out of me because I didn't want you to wake up on day and realize how shitty of a person I am." Phil said. I backed away from him.

"Nice try but I'm not falling for it. Don't try to tell me you did it to save me and make me happy." I said. Phil rolled his eyes and kicked the tire. He began screaming after he did so.

"Lets go find Doug. We can figure this out later." Stu said as he and Alan got in the car. Phil and I stared at each other.

"I'm sorry Hail." Phil said about everything.

"Me too." I said as I got into the car. _Sorry you cause all of this. _


	8. Weddings

**Thanks for the reviews here's a very freaking long chapter for ya. Please review and enjoy. **

We pulled into the wedding chapel parking lot. The ride was dead silent the whole way there, and the whole way I was thinking. Phil and I had a past, but Phil was right it was 10 years ago. We were married now, we could easily get a divorce no big deal. The symbolism meant something to most people but to Phil and I it was just 10 years too late. Phil didn't even park in a parking spot as he stopped the car.

"What about the baby?" Alan asked as we got out of the car.

"Leave him in the car. We're going to be five minutes." Phil said still in a bitter mood.

"Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car." Stu said looking at me for back up.

"He'll be fine. I cracked the window." Phil said.

"Best part is he's a father." I said to Stu as we walked into the chapel.

"What of they don't remember us?" Stu asked.

"Well, lets just find out." Phil said. As we noticed a man and a woman at the front of the alter. "Excuse me. Sorry- Hi." The man began to laugh.

"Look at these guys." he said walking over to us. I looked at all three of the guys as they stared at each other in confusion. "What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?" He hugged Phil first them me.

"How is my favorite couple in the world?" he said I looked at him about to say something then he hugged Alan you had a grin the size of Texas on his face. "How are you my friend? Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy." He stood back from us and looked at us. "Listen, I'm going to tell you something. I know some sick people in my life. This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I even met in my life man." Phil and I had to do a double take. He was talking to Stu.

"This guy?" Phil asked pointing to Stu.

"This guy is out of his mind." Eddie said as he hugged Stu. "What's going on, you fucking crazy motherfucker?" He pulled out of the hug. " I thought he was going to eat my dick." I looked up at Phil, I could tell he was a little more relaxed that the attention was off of us for a minute.

"What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?" He said to Stu.

"No, no. It's not that, Eddie. Uh, its just we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night." Stu said.

"Yeah. Apparently Phil and Hailey got married here. Do you do weddings here?" Alan said. Eddie just laughed.

"You are cracking my balls, man. I love these guys. Zolea, what are you doing?" Eddie said to the woman behind him. "Bring my friends some tea, some baklava, huh? Come on. Unbelievable man. Look at this chick. Beautiful ass, no fucking brain. Glad you got a catch here with both." Eddie said to Phil. "But this is Vegas. You want intimacy, forget it. You're going to get sex. That's it here, man. No problem for me, though. You want chicks? I can get you beautiful chicks from the Eastern Bloc. No questions. Clean tight. The tits like that, the nipple like that." I involuntarily stood closer to Phil, this guy was kinda off.

"Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug. Do you remember?" Phil said.

"Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey." Eddie said.

"Yeah." Stu said a little more upbeat. "You saw him?"

"Of course." Eddie said.

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?" Stu asked.

"You don't remember nothing?" Eddie asked. We shook our heads. Eddie lead us over to the register and handed Phil and I a wedding scrapbook and handed one to Stu and Alan.

"Do you want to open it?" I asked Phil as he stood a little behind me. He placed his finger under the cover and flipped through it. It was pictures of our wedding. The guys were all in blue tux's and I was in a yellow cow girl outfit. But so was this other girl.

"How precious." Alan said as him and Stu looked over at our pictures.

"Who's that girl?" I asked. Eddie opened the other scrapbook that he had handed Stu and Alan. The pictures were the same except for me and Phil there was Stu and this girl.

"Congratulations Stu, you got married too." Alan said.

"This- This cant be happening." Stu said as he stared at the pictures in shock.

"Stu and Jade came in last night with you guys. They wanted to get married. I said we had a special going on, 2 couples half the price. That's when Phil and Hailey stepped up." Eddie explained and walked into the back.

"So her name is Jade." I said. "Shes kinda hot."

"I just got married to you. Please don't tell me you are going lesbian already." Phil joked. I laughed shocking everyone including myself.

"I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man." Phil said to Stu.

"You too man." he said as Phil and I were making out behind Stu and Jade. "That's it my life is over."

"Stu, its okay. Look, shit happens and you deal with it. Come on. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this. This never happened I'll take care of it." Phil said as Eddie was bringing in a bunch of boxes.

"Come on. Put it here." Eddie said to the woman.

"Hey whats all that?" Alan asked.

"The High Roller package. Its what you both ordered. I have coffee mugs. I have baseball caps." Eddie said as he pulled out all of this stuff with the married couples pictures on them. "And fancy calenders, all with pictures of the married couples.

"Yeah she's beautiful man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that. But that's because she had a baby." Eddie said about Jade.

"That explains the baby." Phil said.

"Thank god." I said feeling some stress melt away. I walked over to the scrapbook of Phil and I again. It was weird to see this and not remember it. We did look good together. We always did.

"Great alright. Look this was all a mistake last night. Do you have a divorce or annulment deal by any chance?" Phil asked. Eddie looked sad and upset.

"Of course I do. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad. Especially you two. You're so good together. But its no problem if that's what you want." Eddie said to Phil and I.

"I can do yours. But I cant do his with just him, though. I need the chick. I need both parties." Eddie said. Phil turned to me.

"Now or when we come back for them?" Phil asked.

"Would it be cheaper if all 4 people do it at the same time?" I asked, Eddie nodded.

"Later, I guess." I said with a smile.

"That's great. Isn't that great Stu?" Phil said as he walked back and forth behind us. "Come on buddy. She probably knows where Doug is."

"Awesome." Stu said as he still paced.

"All right, all right. Okay uh- We need her address. She filled out some paperwork, right?" Phil asked as I walked over to Stu.

"Stu." I asked as he answered with a sound. "This is all going to be fixed very soon."

"Awesome thank you." Phil said as we turned to walk out of the chapel.

"Wait don't for get your boxes." Eddie said. We all turned back and each grabbed a box. Thankfully mine was the lightest as we walked out to the police car.

"Hey Phil, what about my dad's car?" Alan asked.

"I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back." Phil said.

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and this shit with it." Stu said. I turned to him shocked.

"Torch it?" I asked.

"Who are you?" Phil asked as shocked as I was. Phil put his box in the trunk and took mine from me.

"I don't know, Phil. Apparently, I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. The whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs." he said as he threw one shattering it on the ground. "This hat. This car!"

"Hey!" Alan said as Stu took the hat off his head.

"It's all evidence of a night that never happened. That's why we're torching all of it." Stu said.

"Whoa, Hailey and I are school teachers. I have a kid. I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not going to torch a cop car."

"And it did happen Stu. I was the way you were not a half an hour ago. I realize this. However, I have accepted the fact my hand is shit and I am married to Phil. You need to accept that last night happened Stu as much as it pains you." I said.

"Fine I'll do it by myself." Stu said.

"Can I help?" Alan asked.

"Yeah thanks." Stu said.

"And how exactly are you going to do that?" Phil asked.

"Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in. They're attracted to the gas lines." Alan said.

"What a ferret?" Stu asked.

"Or a tamed raccoon, but its a lot of trouble. If you wanna..." Alan said.

"Does it matter if its tamed?" Stu asked.

"This is ridiculous." I said as I walked around to the front seat.

"Yeah, because if it's untamed, it wont take the kerosene as well." Alan said as someones phone began to ring. We all started to feel our pockets to find out who's phone.

"Is it Doug?" Phil asked.

"I don't have it." I said.

"It's Doug, its Doug." Phil said to Stu as he pulled out his phone.

"Uh, its Melissa." Stu said.

"Don't answer it." Phil said.

"I have to. She's called twice already!" Stu argued.

"Actually you don't have to. You just choose to." I said as I got into the front of the car. Alan got into the back seat as Stu talked outside to Melissa. Phil stood with the door opened and shook his head. Both men got into the car at the same time.

"Ridiculous." I muttered under my breath.

"What?" Phil asked.

"Stu and Melissa." I said.

"I know." he answered and started the car.

"It'd be so cool if I could breast feed, you know?" Alan said. Phil and I turned to him in the backseat. We looked back up front.

"Yeah, so, we're about to go on a tractor ride." Stu said as a cars tires squealed behind the cop car.

"What the fuck?" Phil asked. I looked up as a person got out of the car

"Is that a bat?" I asked as Stu carried on his conversation with Melissa. The man hit the car with the bat. "Phil, he has a bat."

"Go, out of the car!" the man yelled.

"I think they just started the tractor and it back fired." Stu said into the phone.

"Where is he?" the man asked pointing the bat at Phil through the window shield.

"Hey, easy, easy." Phil said. "I think we're looking for the same guy okay?"

"Phil-" I said as the guy on my side lifted the pipe he had in his hand. The man smacked it down into the window as I ducked.

"What the hell?" I said as the baby started crying.

"Where is he?" the man on my side asked.

"I don't know! What are you talking about?" Phil asked beginning to freak out for the first time since we woke up.

"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?" Stu said to Phil.

"Oh Stu cut the shit!" I said getting pissed off.

"I'm trying to but we're fucking blocked." Phil said.

"Just run them over!" I yelled. "Or hit their car!" The man on Phils side of the car slammed his bat into the window shield.

"Jesus Christ." I screamed.

"Hey! There's a baby on board!" Alan yelled as the baby continued to cry.

"Get out of the car." the man said again.

"Phil just go!" I yelled again. I heard another man yelling as Eddie appeared from the chapel. The man on my side of the car pulled out a gun.

"Holy shit!" I said.

"Get out of the fucking car." the man said again.

"Phil, he's got a gun!" Alan said.

"No shit Alan!" Phil said as he put the car in drive the man shot his gun as it hit Eddie. We ran into the Cadillac in front of us.

"Fuck! Shit." Phil cursed as he backed up.

"He shot Eddie!" Stu screamed.

"Fuck this shit!" Phil said as he slammed into the guys car behind us and as we went through a glass bus stop. We were all screaming or swearing.

"Go, go, go!" Stu exclaimed as we got onto the road.

"Okay, that was some sick shit." Phil said looking over at me. He grabbed for my hand and squeezed it before returning it to the wheel.

"Who were those guys?" Alan asked as the baby continued to cry.

"We're gonna be okay. Everything's going to be okay." Stu tried to calm the baby. "What the fuck is going on?" he screamed as the baby stopped crying.

"I have no idea." I said as we drove down the road. Stu's phone rang again.

"Why don't you let that one go to voice mail?" Phil said.

"Ha ha ha ha. That's a fake laugh by the way." Stu said.


	9. Jade

**Thanks for the reviews. Here is the next chapter. Please review and enjoy. **

We reached the apartment complex of where Stu's wife, Jade, lives. We walked up to the floor she was on. Alan was talking about something and no one was really listening.

"It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor." Alan said.

"Shut up Alan!" Stu said. "What room was it again?"

"It's 825." I said. A woman on the phone, who looked like Jade came out of an apartment that was or close to 825.

"I found him, I'll call you back." she said on the phone. "Thank God, he's with his father." She walked over to Alan and took the baby. "I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie. And I miss you." She said to Stu as she began to make out with him. Alan, Phil and I exchanged glances.

"No." Stu muttered when she backed up from the kiss.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" she said as she looked over at all of us.

"Actually we were hoping you could tell us." Phil answered.

"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee and I came back and you were gone." she said we just stared at her. "Why are you being so quite?" she asked Stu.

"I'm not being quite." he said.

"Ha ha. You're so cute. Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys." She said as she grabbed Stu's hand and led him into her apartment.

"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler." Alan said.

"Yeah. I thought he looked like a Carlos too, bud." Phil said as we walked into the apartment.

"Hey Hailey catch." Jade said as she tossed something at my direction. I was helping her fill glasses of iced tea for the guys. I caught what she threw as I walked over to the couch the guys were on. Jade came behind me and smacked my ass. I jumped up startled as she sat down on a chair in front of the couch. I went and sat next to Stu and Phil, just as confused as they were. I looked down at what Jade had thrown me, they were pain meds for my arm.

"The doctor wanted me to keep those until you sobered up." She said. I nodded a thank you and popped one pill and swallowed it.

"Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird." Jade said.

"Look it's Jade right?" Phil asked.

"Very funny Phil." Jade said as she got up from sitting down and bounced Tyler on her hip.

"Right, Jade, uh, ahem, you remember our friend Doug?" Phil asked.

"Are you kidding he was the best man at our wedding." she said.

"Exactly. Well, we cant find him, and we're getting worried." Phil said.

"Oh, my God, that is so Doug." Jade said as she stood in front of Stu still bouncing Tyler. Stu drank some of the tea and spit it out onto Jade and Tyler. The baby started crying and Jade gave him an odd look. "Oh, sweetie, I'm- I'm going to go clean him off. It's alright, Daddy didn't mean it." She said and walked away.

"Oh my God." Stu said.

"What the fuck man, you got to hold it together." Phil said smacking the back of Stu's head.

"What the hell is wrong with you Stu?" I said as I drank the tea.

"Holy shit." Stu said.

"She's hot. You should be proud of yourself." Phil said.

"She's wearing my grandmother's ring!" Stu said. I choked on some of the tea and placed the glass down and coughed a little bit.

"What?" Phil asked.

"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa. You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?" Stu explained.

"Shit." I said.

"Fuck. Okay." Phil said as he sat back.

"She's wearing the ring." Stu said.

"I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust." Alan said. I put my head in my hands.

"He's Okay." Jade said as she walked back into the room with Tyler.

"Oh, good." Phil said.

"He was just hungry, he's fine. Sweetheart how's your arm anyway?" Jade asked I looked up.

"It's fine." I said with a smile and drank more tea. She sat down on the chair across from us.

"About last night, uh, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?" Phil asked.

"I haven't seen him since the wedding." Jade said.

"The wedding. Okay. Great." Phil said as he got out the time line napkin. "And- uh, we cant re- what time was that at?"

"It was at—ahem-" Jade said as she flipped out her boob and began breast feeding Tyler. Phil began to cough. "I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler." The boys were too stunned to talked.

"And was Doug there?" I asked as Phil snapped out of it and got his pen ready.

"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu." Jade said.

"Uh-huh." Phil said as he wrote it down.

"Rowr." she growled at Stu.

"Wow." I said with a smile to her then to Stu.

"I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?" Stu asked.

"You know this. I'm a stripper." she said nonchalantly.

"Mm-hm." Stu said shaking his head looking like he was going to cry.

"Well, technically I'm an escort, but stripping is a great way to meet the clients." Jade said as my eyes widened a bit.

"Smart." Stu said.

"But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor." she said.

"I'm just a dentist." Stu admitted for the first time ever. Jade looked confused and was about to open her mouth when a man busted through the door.

"Las Vegas Police! Freeze" the man said with what I assumed was his partner behind him. The boys and I jumped back on the couch. I was almost in Stu's lap and Phil basically was in mine. We held up our hands as Jade covered Tyler as he cried.

"Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!" the cop said.

"Oh, God!" Stu said.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Phil said. As we were arrested.


	10. Police Station

**Guys I just want to say thank you so much for the reviews! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story. You guys are fantastic. If you notice any errors where there should be a W please let me know. My W key is acting up... Thanks :) Here is the next chapter. Please review and as always enjoy. **

We sat in the lobby of the station all handcuffed together waiting to be interviewed by our arresting officers.

"Somebody should call Tracy." I said as we sat there.

"Good idea." Stu said looking at me expecting me to get up.

"I cant dial with this hand." I said lifting my free hand in the cast up. "Phil, it's gotta be you." I said to him as he was on the other end of us. Stu was cuffed to me, Alan was cuffed to Phil and Alan and Stu were cuffed together.

"Fine." Phil said as he all got up and we scooted closer to the wall. He fished a quarter out and put it in the pay phone.

"After we take the mug shots we bring them down here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers." a cop came by and said as he led a field trip of students through the station. "Trust me kids, you do not wanna be sitting on these benches. We call this place loserville."

"That's just great." I said. A kid walked over to Alan and took a picture of him on his phone. Alan kicked the phone out of the kids hand. "Alan!" I scolded

"Hey, Tracy! It's Phil." Phil said. I got up forcing Stu to get up as well and stood next to Phil.

"We are at the spa at the hotel." Phil lied looking at me. "Of course he's around. Why wouldn't he be?" I signaled for him to shut up as I made the motion for him to put the phone to my ear.

"Tracy!" I said into the phone.

"_Hailey!" _she said._ "Spa eh?" _

"Oh yeah. Making sure the guys are all pretty before the big day." I lied.

"_So, why did Phil call me and not Doug?"_ she asked.

"Doug wanted to make a deal that no one talked to their girlfriends or ex wives. You know the kind of romantic he is." I said as Phil nodded his head in approval.

"_Anyway, whats up? When are you guys coming back?" _she asked.

"Well, Phil was amazing and scored us another night at the hotel for free!"

"_But what about my party?"_ she asked, I could tell a little heart broken.

"I know. I thought about that and the boys and I have been talking and we are going to get you two the biggest wedding present ever." I lied. Phil began to shake his head in disapproval as well as Stu.

"_Really?" _she said.

"Yeah, Doug doesn't know about it. We only talked about it since last night after Doug went to sleep." I lied again.

"_You know the wedding is tomorrow right Hailey?" _

"Of course I know that. I'll make sure the boys get up in plenty of time and get ready." I said reassuringly.

"Wenneck couple, Price, Garner. Room 3." the guard said. All of us looked over.

"Alright Tracy? Oh look it's my turn for the massage. I will call you later hun. Okay? I am so sorry again. I love you." I said as Phil hung up the phone.

"You do that well." he said.

"I know." I said with a little bitterness. It felt wrong lying to her, but it had to be done.

"Come on, come on. Chop-chop." the cop said as we got up and walked over with Phil leading the way. We sat in a small interrogation room. They had taken the handcuffs off, I sat down in a chair and Stu and Phil sat to the sides of me, Alan sat next to Phil. The woman cop that was one of the arresting officers was sitting on the other side from us.

"Gentlemen, Ma'am." the male arresting officer came in. "We've got some good news, and we've got some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes." Phil chuckled.

"Thats great news!" Stu exclaimed.

"That's great. See?" Phil said to Alan.

"Yeah, its over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 am this morning parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard." the man cop said.

"Ohh." I said.

"In the middle. That's weird." Phil said.

"Yeah, that is weird." the cop said. "There was also a note. It says uh, 'Couldn't find a meter but here's 4 bucks.' The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning." the cop said. I grabbed Phil's arm. I would have grabbed Stu's if I could grab with that hand. He patted my hand reassuringly and adjusted himself in his seat.

"Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible. No, we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding." Phil said.

"You stole a police car!" the woman cop said.

"We didn't steal anything." Stu said.

"We found it." I said.

"Yeah, if anything we deserve a reward or something like a trophy." Alan said.

"I see assholes like you every day." the man said.

"Every fucking day." the woman said.

"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid." the man mocked Vegas goers.

"Yeah. Whoo! Whoo-hoo!" they both mocked.

"Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny." the man said still mocking.

"Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here." the woman said.

"Not up in here!" the man repeated. We all looked at each other. Stu put his head in his hands. Alan didn't do much. Phil rubbed his chin and I stared at the table in shock. If those charges went on my record I could loose my job as well as any job in the education field.

"Sir, uh- if I may, um, I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you." Phil said.

"Yeah." the man said.

"Yeah." Phil said. "Look I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing in a field trip that would look really bad on me."

"What are you getting at?" the man said.

"Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?" I asked. Stu was giving him the death eye.

"No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding, and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. But look the point is, I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly of course, ma'am." Phil said to the cops. "What do you say?" The woman moved a clip board to the man and pointed at something on it. He smirked and laughed as he looked up at us.

"Let me ask you guys a question. Do any of you have a heart condition or anything like that? Or are you pregnant?" he asked all of us then me. We all shook our heads and said no.

"Excellent." the man said as he escorted us out of the room and into a larger room that looked much like a classroom. Children were sitting in chairs staring at us as we walked in.

"I'm not liking this already." I said as we stood in front of them.

"These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect. This lovely lady has volunteered to demonstrate pepper spray. But we will have her go last since we will have to leave and air out the room." the man cop said. All of the kids ooh-ed.

"Wait what?" Stu said as we all turned to the cop.

"Now there is two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal." the man said as he tazzed Stu.

"Oh my god." I said as he went down. I backed away a bit and ran into Phil.

"What the fuck?" Phil said.

"Or you can shoot them from a distance." the cop said.

"Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?" the cops asked as all the kids raised their hands. "All right, how about you, young lady? Come on up here. All right." A young girl walked up to the cop.

"Lets go handsome, come on." the cop said as Alan walked forward. "Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back. You pretty boy." the cop motioned for Phil as he walked around me. The kids laughed and whispered fat Jesus. I had to hide a small smile but it quickly went away as I remembered the situation. "All right, now, it's real simple. All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot. All right." The cop handed her the gun and walked away leaving Phil in front of her.

"Okay, look. You don't really want to do this." Phil said.

"You can do this. Just focus." the cop encouraged her as she pointed the gun at him the red dot was on his chest.

"Don't listen to this maniac. Lets think this through." Phil said trying to reason.

"Finish him!" the cop yelled as she pulled the trigger and shot him in the crotch.

"Oh shit." I said walking forward then stopping as Phil fell the ground swearing and twitching a bit.

"Yeah! Right in the nuts! That was beautiful. Well done, give her a hand everybody." the cop said. As the kids clapped so did Alan.

"Alan!" I said giving him a scornful look as he stopped clapping. Phil looked up at me in pain.

"Good. Alright we have one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?" the cop asked as the kid that Alan kicked before came up. Alan walked in front of the boy. "Okay, same instructions. Just point, aim and shoot." The kid lifted the gun. "Very good. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger. Good. You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. don't be afraid to ride the lightning." The kid pulled the trigger and shot Alan in the face.

"Jesus Christ." I said as I held my hand to my mouth.

"In the face. In the face. Oh he's still up. He's still up." the cop said as Alan stood with the volts running through him, the cop mocked Alan. A little girl screamed as Alan began to walk towards the boy. "All right everybody relax. Take it easy. We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge." The cop said as he stunned Alan, who fell onto a desk. I could only assume he was passed out.

"Now, the lady's turn." he said as I walked closer. "Now everyone, this is expired pepper spray. The real stuff would effect the whole building and could potentially cause this lady blindness. We wanted some variety with this demonstration." he pulled out the pepper spray and I closed my eyes as a burning sensation was felt on my face.

"Holy fuck!" I screamed as the burning sensation got worse and worse. I tried to wipe it off on my shirt. I knew I couldn't open my eyes cause it would burn more. I could hear everyone beginning to cough.

"You see, this is why we use the expired stuff on demonstrations. This would be 50 times worse or more. Please exit out the door." the cop said. I couldn't open my eyes. I felt arms around my waist pulling me up and guiding me. I had no idea where we were going. I knew we had left that room and I could only assume we were walking to another room. I was answered as I heard a toilet flush.

"Okay, I'm going yo try my best of getting this out of your eyes and off your face." Phil's voice said. I nodded as I felt cold water on my face. It increased the burning but it was getting it off.

"Fuck!" I said as it got worse.

"Should I stop?" he asked.

"No get it off my face and eyes. I can deal with the burning on my skin." I said as he gently blotted a wet cloth on my eyes.

"I think that's as good as its going to get." he said. I opened my eyes and saw a blurry Phil.

"At least your black eye doesn't look so bad anymore. Just looks like your eyes were raped." he said with a chuckle.

"How are your nuts?" I asked standing up and turning towards the mirror. There was still some of it that was getting into my eyes but my vision was slowly getting better. My eyes looked like they had been rapped as much as I didn't want to admit he was right.

"Fucking hurt." he said as he moved his pants. "Come on the boys are waiting outside to go get the car."

"Okay." I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder as he walked us out.


	11. The Car and The Man From the Trunk

**Here is the next chapter and its a long one. Please review and as always enjoy. **

"Fuck those guys, you hear me?" Stu ranted as we waited for the Mercedes at the car impound. "That was bullshit. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car."

"Stu, let it go. Can you imagine the charges against us? Grand theft auto of a police car, drunk driving, not to mention anything else they could find out off of cameras around town." I said.

"Hailey, they pepper sprayed you. You could have gone blind!" Stu said.

"But I didn't. Plus if that was on my record I'd loose my job, which means I loose my career. I'd take pepper spray any day." I said as I dabbed my eyes with the cold, wet towel I had.

"Hailey's right let it go, who cares?" Phil said.

"I care! You cant just do that. You cant just tased and pepper spray people because you think it's funny. That's police brutality." Stu said as he took a deep breath. "I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?"

"No." Phil said as Alan and I shook our heads.

"My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ. How are you eyes, Hail?" Phil asked.

"Still burn, but like I said, its better than having those charges." I said as Phil nodded and looked over to Alan.

"Alan, you okay?" Phil asked. I looked over and say he was looking off in the distance.

"I'm just worried." he said. "What if something happened to Doug? Something bad."

"Come on, you cant think like that." Phil said as I sat closer to Alan.

"We're all worried Alan." I said placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I mean, what if he's dead? I cant afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much." Alan said. Phil looked over to me and I shrugged my shoulders not knowing what Alan was talking about. "I was so upset when my grandpa died."

"Oh, I'm s- how'd he die?" Phil asked.

"World War 2."

"Died in battle?" I asked.

"No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War 2." Alan explained. I took my hand off his shoulder and scooted back to where I was.

"Alan- Doug is fine." Phil said.

"Well, why hasn't he called?" Alan asked.

"Well he doesn't have his phone, maybe he doesn't have any money either." I tried to give an excuse.

"We're going to figure it out." Phil said as I nodded. I looked over at Phil as he gave me a soft smile.

"I'll tell you another thing, 6-1 odds our car is beat to shit." Stu said as he walked around the corner with a Coke.

"Stu, not now." Phil said.

"No, seriously, how much you wanna bet its fucked beyond recognition?" Stu said.

"Stu!" I said sternly.

"What?" he replied as Phil stood up and explained.

"That's enough. Alan's seriously worried okay? Let's not freak him out any more." Phil said.

"Sorry, Alan. You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's going to be okay." Stu said walking over. I got up and walked over to Phil so Stu could sit next to Alan if he wanted to.

"You know you've calmed down quite a lot from earlier." Phil said.

"I accepted it." I said as my eyes burned to look up at the sun.

"When we have a little bit we still need to talk about what were going to do." Phil said.

"I know. Lets just focus on Doug right now." I said. We heard a car approaching.

"Oh shit. I cant watch. Just tell me what it looks like." Phil said aloud as he literally turned around and Stu covered his eyes.

"Not looking. Not looking." Stu said.

"Holy shit." I exclaimed.

"Oh God, its that bad?" Phil said.

"No its perfect." I said surprised.

"What?" Phil and Stu both turned to see Alan and I staring at the perfectly okay car.

We all piled into the car. Phil in the drivers seat, Stu next to him and Alan and I in the back seat. We were all searching the car for clues.

"Anything?" Phil asked.

"Hmm, I got a cigar." Stu said.

"Oh, I found, uh- these are some black shoes." Alan said.

"Too small for any of you. And too small for me too." I said looking at the shoes. Stu grabbed the shoes.

"Who's are those?" Phil asked.

"I don't know. Its a men's Size 6." Stu read the label.

"Tiny man." I said.

"What is this a snake skin?" Alan asked holding it up. It was a used condom.

"Oh god, Alan, throw that out the window!" I exclaimed.

"What is it? EW!" Stu said as Alan dropped the condom on Stu's shoulder.

"That's a used condom Alan!" Phil said.

"Oh god, blech!" Stu exclaimed. And threw the condom back to Alan as it hit me.

"God dammit Stu." I said trying to grab it to get it off me.

"Its wet." Stu said.

"That's generally what happens when one uses a condom. Oh that's lovely." I said as I felt the condom under my fingers and looked at it closer.

"What?" Phil and Stu asked as Alan grabbed the condom and put it on Phil's shoulder.

"Hey! Come on!" Phil said as he swerved the car. "I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ guys!"

"Get it out." Stu said.

"Fuck!" Phil said as he stopped the car and threw the condom out. "All right what the fuck, man? We gotta get this shit together guys!"

"Oh don't be such a baby Phil." I said.

"Are you kidding me Hailey?" he exclaimed furious.

"Phil, it was a latex free condom." I said as he calmed down.

"Oh." he said as the car went quiet and we heard a thumping noise.

"What was that?" Alan asked.

"It's in the trunk." Stu said as he looked at Phil and reality hit. "Doug's in the trunk!"

"Oh, fuck. Holy shit." Phil said as we scrambled out of the car.

"Open it, open it, open it, open it." Stu and I said as we all stood at the trunk.

"Okay, okay, okay." Phil said as he turned the key and the trunk began to open. A naked man jumped out of the trunk onto Phil with the mans junk in Phil's face. The man was beating Phil with a crow bar.

"Stu! Do something!" I said not having a clue of what to do.

"Oh God!" Alan said. "Please, please, please stop!" Phil threw the man off of him. The man began beating Stu then went back to Phil smacking Phil right in the face. The man hit my shins with the bar as I went down then he went after Alan.

"Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!" Alan said.

"You gonna fuck on me?" the man said in an Asian accent.

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you!" Alan said. "We're on your side. I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. I hate him. He destroys cities! Please! This is not your fault. I'll get you some pants." The man threw the crow bar at Alan and ran off as Alan went to the ground.

"Hey, you alright?" Phil asked me as he crawled a little closer.

"I want to go home and take an ice bath." I said holding my shin with my eyes closed.

"I'll get ya there." he said as he tried to help me up we settled on crawling to the car. "What the fuck was that?"

"I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911." Stu said.

"That was some fucked up shit." Phil said.

"Can it just stop? For like 3 hours straight?" I asked to no one.

"Who was that guy? He was so mean." Stu said.

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you." Alan said.

"What?" I asked in a tone that was more fierce then I meant it.

"Last night on the roof, before we went out I slipped something in our Jagermister." Alan confessed.

"What?" Phil asked.

"I'm sorry, I fudged up guys." Alan said.

"You, it was you! And you knew! You did it on purpose!" I said trying to stand on my throbbing leg so I could attack him.

"You, you drugged us?" Stu asked confused.

"No, I didn't drug you guys." Alan said.

"But you did." I said as I still struggled at my attempt.

"I was told it was ecstasy." Alan said.

"That doesn't help your argument." I said as I leaned against the car.

"Well, who told you it was ecstasy?" Phil asked.

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store." Alan said.

"Why would you give us ecstasy?" Stu asked.

"I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it. With Doug being stressed out about the wedding, Phil and Hailey always fighting and everyone complaining about Stu's girlfriend, you guys needed this." Alan explained himself. We all looked at each other not wanting to admit that Alan was right. "It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night."

"But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies!" Stu exclaimed as he tried to get up.

"You think I knew that, Stu?" Alan asked. "The guy I bought it from looked like a real straight shooter."

"You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?" Stu said.

"Stu." I said for the 300th time today in the same motherly tone.

"No, Hailey." Stu said.

"Hey, lets just calm down." Phil said as he sat up against the car not even attempting to get up.

"You fucking calm down! He drugged us. I lost a tooth. You two got married. I married a whore!" Stu ranted for the umpteenth time today.

"How dare you! She's a nice lady!" Alan yelled back at Stu.

"You are such a fucking moron." Stu said.

"Your language is offensive." Alan said as I helped Phil up to his feet.

"Fuck you." Stu said as Phil leaned against the car like I had.

"Stu! Grow the fuck up and realize that we fucked up royally. Okay? I have, Phil has, Alan has. You need to do the same. The sooner you do, the sooner we find Doug and the sooner we get the hell out of dodge." I screamed.

"All right, lets take a deep breath, okay?" Phil said as Stu walked away breathing heavily. "Seriously, this is a good thing. At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason."

"Yeah!" Alan said.

"Yeah, you're right, Phil, its totally a good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you of: Our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt fucking his corpse." Stu said.

"That's highly unlikely." Alan said.

"It's true." Stu said.

"Does not help." Phil said. "All right, lets get our shit together guys. Lets go back to the hotel, and I'm going to make a couple of calls. Maybe Doug is back there. Maybe he's asleep. Come on, lets go!" Phil walked around to the drivers side. I limped to the same side as he opened the door for me and I got in. Once we all got into the car it was quite for the first couple of minutes.

"Whats the significance if the condom was latex free?" Alan asked.

"Phil and I are allergic to latex." I said as we all drove once again in silence back to the hotel.


	12. Mike Tyson

**Here is the next chapter and its a long one. Please review and as always enjoy. **

We walked into the hotel, everyone was staring. We all looked like hell and we felt like it. We went to the elevator and walk to the suite.

"Wait, guys. Guys." Alan said as we stood outside the room. "What about the tiger? What if he got out?"

"Shit." I said.

"Fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger." Phil said. "How the fuck did he get in there?"

"That is an excellent question." I said.

"I don't know, because I cant remember." Stu said looking at Alan.

"Shh. Stu." I said.

"Stu, keep it down." Phil said.

"Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss." Alan said not helping the situation.

"You are literally too stupid to insult." Stu said. I kept my mouth shut this time.

"Thank you." Alan said.

"Hey." Phil said irritated at the two. He opened the door slowly and peered in and continued to walk in. I did after him and the other two after me. Phil Collins "In the air tonight" was playing on the radio.

"You leave that on?" Phil asked.

"No." I said shaking my head.

"Did you guys leave the music on?" Phil asked the two behind us.

"No." Stu said as Alan let the door slam behind us.

"Hey, shh." Phil said. "Don't make any sudden movements." We walked further into the suite. As Phil turned the corner he ran into a rather large muscular black man in a suit. We all jumped back letting out some form of a yelp.

"Who are you?" Phil asked as he stood in a defensive stance.

"No, who the hell are you?" the man asked back.

"Quiet, quiet." Another man said from the other side of us. We all looked over to the voice and saw another black man sitting at the piano. He spun around in the chair and stood up. All of us stared in disbelief as Mike Tyson stood in front of us.

"Mike Tyson?" Phil asked confused.

"Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now." Mike said as he played the air drums and singing the song. "Need a chorus line guys." he said to us as we stood there still in shock. Alan began to sing the chorus along with Mike. "One more time guys." he said as we all began to sang. It was kind of nice, even if they had broken into our suite it was the funnest and coolest thing to happen all day. That was until Mike punched Alan in the face sending him to the ground.

"Jesus!" Phil, Stu and I exclaimed as we dove after the man child to see if he was okay.

"Oh fuck." Phil said as he held Alan's unconscious head in his hands. "Why did you do that?" The man before Mike Tyson, I could only assume his body guard, turned the radio off and began to talk.

"Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger is in your bathroom." the man said.

"Hold on, that was completely unnecessary." I said as Stu, Phil and I stood up.

"I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was-" Phil began as the bodyguard interrupted.

"Explain." was all he said. I looked up at Phil expecting him to take charge like he had all day. Giving him a break I began explaining.

"All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened." I said.

"Its true. We got into all kinds of trouble last night and now we cant find our friend. And if you want to kill us go ahead because I don't care anymore." Stu said.

"Stu what are you talking about?" Phil said.

"I don't care." Stu said.

"I do. I care." I said to the large men standing in front of us that could snap me like a twig.

"Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?" the man asked.

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Phil said.

"I married him." I said nodding and agreeing to what Phil had said.

"I don't believe these guys, man." Mike said.

"Wait, how did you guys find us?" Phil asked.

"One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning." the man said holding the jacket.

"That's Doug's." I said as the man threw the jacket at Stu.

"Yeah, Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there." the man said.

"No, that's our missing friend." Phil said.

"I don't give a fuck." the man said.

"Did you guys see him?" Stu asked.

"I was fast asleep." Mike said.

"Because if he was up, this shit wouldn't have gone down so smoothly." the man said.

"Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar." Mike said.

"Respect." the man said taking his hat off.

"What happened to Omar?" I asked.

"Oh, don't worry about Omar sweet thing, he's not with us no more. How did all this happen?" Mike asked me as he pointed to his eyes.

"Don't know and I was pepper sprayed by the cops." I said.

"Damn girl, what did you do?" Mike said showing interest.

"I'm not quite sure." I said as Mike nodded.

"Okay, I know this is asking a lot but do you think we could go to your house and look around see if there is any clues?" Phil said interrupting my conversation with Mike.

"Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?" the man said.

"Wait what?" I asked.

"Come on, champ." the man said to Mike.

"I'm sorry?" Phil said.

"We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back. What you think, about 40 minutes?" the man said.

"Don't make me come back for him." Mike paused for a moment and looked at me quizzically and began to walk away. He stopped and walked back to where he was before. "Wait, I got a better idea. Ms...?" Mike said as he looked at me.

"Call me, Hailey." I said with a confused smile.

"I have some stuff that might help you with your eyes. How about you come with me and tell me what you remember about last night, as your friends collect and bring me my tiger?" Mike said. I looked over at Phil as he had a pleading look in his eyes as well as Stu.

"Sounds like deal." I said. "Sorry boys. My eyes are killing me and I want a break. Plus I'll have my phone if you need me." I smiled at the boys as they looked at me shocked as I walked after Mike out the door.

"Hail!" Phil said as he walked after me. "Be careful." He said as he was standing right next to me. "You text me and often, I don't care if I don't reply you text me. He doesn't have a good track record with women."

"Come on Phil. I can handle it." I said with a confident smile and turned as he grabbed my wrist, spun me around and kissed me in front of everyone including Mike Tyson and Stu.

"Be careful." He said letting go as I walked very confused to the elevator.

…...

I sat in the back seat with Mike Tyson in his Bentley as his body guard drove us to his place.

"So are you two a thing?" Mike asked as he sipped what I assumed to be wine.

"We were in high school. Our missing friend, Doug, is getting married tomorrow this is his bachelors party."

"And you lost him?" Mike asked as I nodded. "One hell of a party."

"Ya, you're telling me."

"So why cant you remember anything?" he asked.

"Our friend Alan wanted to give us ecstasy and his dealer mixed the drugs. He got roofies instead."

"Your friend drugged you guys?" Mike asked again to clarify. I nodded. "You've got some fucked up friends."

"I know." I said as we pulled up to a rather large house. "Wow this place is huge!" We got out of the car as I followed Mike into his house.

"Here wait in here while I go get the stuff I told you about." Mike said. I waited in the front room. The place was huge and there were many huge men walking around giving me looks as they passed.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I whispered to myself and checked my phone. No new messages. The boys should be coming by within the next hour or so.

"I used this stuff every time I got hit in the eye. It works like a charm." He said as he handed me a tube of cream.

"Thanks I really appreciate it."

"You really have no idea what happened to your eyes?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Nope. Only the pepper spray." I said.

"Lets go see if we can find your friend on the cameras." Mike said as we walked into an adjoining room.


	13. Video Footage

**Here is the next chapter and its a short one. Please review and as always enjoy. **

The doorbell rang an hour after they were suppose to be here, it was dark now. I jumped off the couch and walked to the front door.

"You're late." the man from the hotel said.

"Whatever man. We had to push the last mile." Phil said.

"Push?" I asked from behind two large guys.

"Hailey?" Stu asked.

"Come on in. Mike's got to something he wants to show you." the man said as he stood to the side to let the guys in. Stu and Alan walked over and gave me a hug as they were awestruck at the large building.

"That thing's out of control, man. Seriously, you gotta put it down." Phil said about the tiger.

"Phil, it couldn't have been that bad. OH MY GOD! Your neck!" I yelled as I saw three claw marks on his neck.

"Ya it was that bad." he said as he forced me into a hug.

"I text you. Ya know?" I said as he let me go.

"I know. Thank you." he said as we walked into the room I was in before.

"When we got back, Hailey and I took a look at the security cameras." Mike said as the guys sat down on the couch he was on.

"Great." Phil said looking over at me.

"Oh ya." I reassured him that it wasn't pleasant. Mike turned the monitor on.

"_This is how you walk. This is how you walk." Phil said on the screen mocking Doug. _We were all visibly drunk.

"Oh, its Doug." Stu said.

"Oh, thank God he's alive." Phil said.

"That's our buddy. That's who we've been missing." Stu told Mike.

"I know." Mike said.

"Were all best friends." Alan said. Mike looked over at me as we both rolled our eyes.

"I know this. Pay attention. I don't have all night." Mike said sternly.

"Yeah of course of course." Phil said seriously.

"_What are you doing?" Stu said on the TV. As Alan appeared on the screen. _

"_Hey, guys. Check it out. Watch this." Alan said. _

"That's me, I'm on TV. I've never been on a TV before." Alan said.

"_What are you doing man?" Doug asked as Alan began peeing in the pool. _

"Really Alan?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, I was uh-" Alan began.

"_You're gonna overflow the pool, man." Stu said. _

"Maybe- Should I wait outside?" Alan asked.

"I think that's a good idea, Alan." Mike said just as mad as he was when we watched the video before.

"Yeah." Alan said as he got up and left us.

"Don't touch anything out there either." the man from the hotel said.

"You know what? He's not our good fr-" Stu said.

"I explained it all already." I said as I kept watching the screen. "Oh, here's the worst part."

"_Oh Phil, Yes. Oh God Yes. Phil." You could hear my voice from behind the moving bush. _

"_Oh God Hailey!" Phil screamed as the bush stopped moving. _

Phil looked over at me with his hand over his mouth. Stu wide eyed and shocked.

"How many times did you guys do it last night?" Stu asked looking between Phil and I.

"Three that I know of. Oh, here it is."

"That wasn't the worst?" Phil asked as I shook my head.

_I ran out from behind the bush with my top of my dress clinging to my hips and my heels in my hands. _

"_That's right bitches! I just had sex with my husband." I yelled to the camera with my breasts hanging out. Phil came from behind the bushes with his pants falling down as he tackled me to the ground. _

"That explains the scratches and other bruises." Phil said, I nodded. "That was fun to watch." he said sarcastically. I shook my head. "There's more?" I nodded.

"_Ow, Goddammit Phil." I said from beneath him. _

"_You have to be quiet Hailey. I love you." Phil said. _

"_Lets do it again, lover boy." I said as we began going at it again. _

"Oh my God. Fast forward!" Stu said as it became graphic. Mike did so. Phil looked at the screen without moving. It didn't even look like he was breathing.

"Here we go." Mike said.

_We were walking down the driveway with the tiger to the stolen police car. _

"By the way, where you get that cop car from?" Mike asked me.

"Don't know. We parked our car in the middle of the boulevard." I said

"We stole it from these dumb ass cops." Stu said.

"The ones that tazed and pepper sprayed you?" Mike asked me. I nodded.

"Nice." Mike started laughing. We all did as well.

"High five that one." Mike said as we all gave him a high five.

"You know I have to say I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature." Phil said as we watched him lead the tiger into the car.

"Oh Phil." I said before he began doing things on the screen.

_Phil began humping the tiger into the car._

"_Stu, check this out. Fuck this tiger." Phil said. _

"Oh my God. That's awful." Stu said.

"Oh man. Explain to me. Who does shit like that, man?" Mike asked Phil.

"Someone who has a lot of issues, obviously. I'm a sick man." Phil said.

"Your words." I said.

"That's all we got." The man from the hotel said as he shut off the screen.

"This was hugely helpful. Really because now we know that our buddy Doug was with us at 3:30, totally alive." Stu said.

"Thanks again, champ. And, uh, again, we are so sorry we stole your tiger." Phil said.

"Don't worry about it man. Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Mike said. Phil and Stu began to laugh.

"I did say that." Phil said.

"Thank you again." I said as I got up. The boys followed my lead. Mike got up as well and embraced me into a hug.

"Thanks for the eye cream too." I said as he let me go. I kissed his cheek as Stu and Phil looked at me wide eyed. "Lets go boys before we waste anymore of Mikes time." We walked out the door and to the car meeting up with Alan along the way. The tiger was gone as we got in and drove off.

"Hailey what happened while you were there?" Phil asked from the front seat.

"You'll never know." I said as we drove down the street.


	14. The Man from the Trunk and Doug?

**Here is the next chapter. Please review and as always enjoy. **

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a bad ass but I think he's kind of a sweetheart." Stu said as he drove.

"He really is a sweetheart." I said sitting next to Alan in the back.

"I think he's mean."Alan said. Phil sat up front with a stern look on his face. I'd seen that look before. It was... no... it was jealousy!

"All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy." Phil said.

"Hallelujah. Finally Phil says something that makes sense." Stu said.

"No." I said.

"What?" Phil asked as he turned to look at me.

"Not until tomorrow morning. She thinks we're gambling as a group and having a good old time. We need to wait until at least 11 tomorrow." I said.

"You serious?" he asked.

"Yes." I said

"We don't have much of a choice Hailey. And maybe she's heard from Doug." Phil said.

"If she would have heard from Doug she would have called me, calling me a liar." I said as we pulled to a stop at the light.

"No, we need to be completely honest. We need to tell her everything." Phil said.

"Easy for you to say. I'm the maid of fucking honor. Its my ass." I said as I realized it was Phil and I arguing like we had on the way to Vegas.

"Yeah, we don't have to tell her everything. We can leave out the stuff about me marrying a hooker. Just stay focused on Doug." Stu said.

"No, no one is calling her until tomorrow. You understand me. Don't piss me off." I warned.

"What am I going to tell my dad about his car?" Alan asked changing the subject. Phil took a deep breath.

"Alan relax. Its just the inside." Phil said.

"That's what she said." I said. I looked at the guys. "Fuck I've been around you all too long."

"Come on, I got a guy in L.A. Who's great with interiors." Phil said.

"Fuck!" I screamed as a car slammed into Phil's and my side of the car. We were pushed to the other side of the street into a sign.

"Uh." I said as my body throbbed in pain. "Like I said 3 hours straight really too much to ask?" As the light up girl from the sign came crashing through the top of the car.

"Oh Jesus." Phil said as the head of the woman separated us.

"Oh my god." Stu said as the car that hit us backed up.

"Are you guys okay?" Alan asked us.

"More bruises and cuts but okay." I said.

"What the fuck?" Phil asked as people got out of the car that crashed into us. The guy from the trunk stood in front of the car, this time fully dressed.

"I know that guy. That's the guy from the trunk." Alan said.

"Get out of the car, please." the man said. Two other guys appeared from the car.

"W—w-wait those are the guys that shot Eddie." Stu said.

"Holy shit." I said. The man from the trunk talked to the other men in some foreign language and clapped is hands.

"Okay." Phil said as one of the men reached into the car and began pulling him out.

"Oh no. Easy, easy." Stu said.

"Come on." the man said as Phil was no longer in the car. Stu was next as he was pulled from the car.

"You go next." Alan said. I nodded and crawled to the front. The man grabbed my shoulders and pulled me out but not before grabbing my breasts.

"Seriously. Asshole!" I said as I smacked the man across the face. He looked like he was going to punch me as the man from the trunk said something in the foreign language again. The man backed away from me.

"Get the fat boy." The trunk man said as they pulled Alan out.

"Hey, hey, hey." Alan said as he was out of the car.

"All right, all right." Phil said.

"Hey, take it easy. Take it easy." Stu said.

"I want my purse back, assholes." the man from the trunk said.

"What? Your purse?" Phil asked. I looked at the man and saw the purse, or as Alan called it satchel, that Alan had the night before.

"That's not a purse, its a satchel." Alan said.

"Its a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy." the man said.

"Wait a second, wait a second. We stole from you?" Phil asked leaning against their car holding his side. He must have cracked some ribs in the collision.

"Okay you know what? We don't remember anything that happened last night so help us out a little here." Stu said. I walked over to Phil.

"Well, apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night. You were on a heater and he played your hot streak. He ended up winning just under 80 grand." one of the men said.

"No shit? Eighty grand is nice." Phil said.

"Okay that's good." Stu said as Phil put an arm around me and leaned on me. He must have been in a lot of pain.

"He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it." the same man from before said.

"That doesn't sound like us." Stu said.

"Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing." the man from the trunk said, as he threw down the purse and stepped on it.

"Hey, there are Skittles in there." Alan said as he stepped forward. One of the men punched Alan in the stomach.

"Ow! Oh, not again." Alan said as he doubled over in pain. Stu went to comfort him for lack of a better word. The man from the trunk began to laugh.

"Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child." Stu said.

"It's funny because he's fat." the man from the trunk said.

"Now, look this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding." I said still supporting Phil. "Alan accidentally grabbed the wrong purse. Its no big deal."

"Okay, if it's 'No big deal,' why, when I come after you guys he starts screaming crazy and throw me in trunk?" the man pointed at Phil. I looked up at him quizzically.

"What, I did that?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm, and you want to take him home with you." the man from before talked again. Phil, Stu and I began to laugh.

"Lucky charm." Stu said.

"Its just funny." I said. The man from the trunk gave out a mocking laugh.

"Fuck you." he said. "If you want to see your friend again, you get me my 80 grand." Phil, Stu, Alan and I stood up straighter. Phil stood on his own, no contact with me at all.

"What?" Stu asked.

"Our friend?" Phil asked.

"You have Doug?" I asked. Stu stepped forward.

"You know about our friend?" Phil asked. One of the men hit the side of the car. Doug began wiggling in the back seat. He had a pillow case over his head.

"Doug!" Stu, Phil, Alan and I yelled as we ran towards the car. Phil tried to fight one of the men to get to Doug and the rest of us couldn't get there.

"What do you want?" I yelled at the man.

"Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag." the man said to Stu and I.

"What?" I asked confused and looked to Stu.

"Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix." Phil said. "Alan, where's his purse?"

"I don't know." Alan said.

"It's in the hotel room, right?" Stu said.

"Yeah. We can get it." I said.

"We can get you the- we can even write you a check right now." Stu said.

"No chance. Cash only." the man said.

"There's a person in there." Stu argued.

"Boring. Take nap. Come on." the man said as he yawned.

"Wait I'm sorry, we're boring you?" Stu said.

"Doug its okay!" Phil yelled into the car.

"You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!" Stu yelled.

"Wait." Phil said as the car began to move. He tried to push it away and stop it.

"Oh, no. you're not going anywhere." Stu said as he grabbed the car. "Stop." I stood with Alan and shook my head. The guys finally realized they couldn't stop the car. Before it sped off the window rolled down as the man looked at us.

"Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn." the man said.

"What?" Phil asked.

"Toodle-oo, mother fucker." he said as he rolled up the window.

"Well at least take the bag off his head! Fuck!" Stu yelled.

We got back into the car and amazingly it started up. We drove back to the hotel and began searching for the purse.


	15. The Proposition

**Here is the next chapter. Please review and as always enjoy. **

We took separate rooms and tore the place apart even more looking for the purse.

"I've got nothing." I said as I met Stu and Phil in the main area.

"Guy's I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left. Its not anywhere." Alan said as he joined us.

"Fuck." Phil said as he was loosing hope. "Stu, how much you got in the bank?"

"Where are you going with this?" I asked as I sat on one of the chairs.

"About 10 grand. I was gonna use it on the wedding." Stu said.

"Well, you're already married, so we're good there. Besides enough with Melissa, she's the worst." Phil said.

"Ya, Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something." Alan said as he looked through the cushions of the couch next to me.

"It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?" Stu asked.

"How about you Hailey?" Phil asked.

"About 15. Why?" I asked.

"Why do you have that much money?" Stu asked as they all looked at me.

"I don't do much. Oh leave me alone." I said as I watched Phil walk around with a crazy look in his eyes. Alan still looked through the cushions.

"It's not nearly enough to pay him back." Phil said.

"Ew. Alan did you just eat sofa pizza?" Stu asked as I looked over. Alan had a piece of pizza in his hand.

Yes." he answered.

"Gross." I said.

"What are we going to do? We are so fucked." Phil said.

"Hey, guys?" Alan said.

"Did you find it?" Stu perked up.

"Nope. But check this out." Alan said as he held up his blackjack book from the ride here.

"Brilliant. We need to get you boys dressed up." I said as I caught Alan's drift. I got up.

"What?" Phil asked.

"We won the money last night with Alan. We can do it again!" I said. Phil looked at me with a smile and so did Stu.

"You're amazing." Phil said.

"I know. Stu find some tux's for you guys. Phil and Alan go take a shower, Stu after you find the suits. Alan when you get out study up with the book. I'll patch you all up when you get out of your showers. Lets go, people." I said as I barked out orders. They all began moving as fast as they could.

"Okay Stu." I said as he looked through what the hotel offered. "I'm going to take a shower as well." I walked off to my room and looked at my dress from the night before. I couldn't wear it. It was dirty in all the sense of the word. I could make out blood spots, dirt smears, and sperm. I dropped the dress and looked through my luggage. Nothing.

"Stu!" I yelled.

"Ya?" he answered back.

"Find me a dress too!" I yelled.

"Okay." he said. I walked into the shower and got clean avoiding getting any water on my cast. I looked in the mirror as I got out. My eyes did look a lot better than they had before, but they still looked bad. I heard a light knock at the door, I wrapped the robe around me.

"Yes?" I asked as Stu walked in with a dress. "Wow, that was fast." I walked over to him.

"Thank Caesars Palace." he said as he unzipped it.

"Ohh. I love the color and its my size. Stu you're amazing!" I exclaimed at the red dress in front of me. "Go take a shower and I'll fix you up." I said. I put make up on for what seemed like the hundredth time since we got here. The cover up, covered up my eyes nicely but you could still tell I had a bruise. I finished my make up with some mascara, eye shadow and eyeliner. I looked like a vixen and I hadn't even put on the dress yet!

"Phil, are you ready?" I yelled.

"Ya." he said as he walked into the room in a robe.

"Lets look at those scratches." I said as he sat on the bed. "Not too bad. Super glue should work." I rustled around in my bag.

"So Mike Tyson." he said as I walked over with some super glue, rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I put the alcohol on the cotton ball.

"You two seemed... acquainted when we left."

"Well, we talked a lot and watched the footage together."

"That's all?"

"I didn't sleep with him." I gave him a look. "This is going to hurt." I placed the cotton ball I ad prepared on his neck.

"AH!" he yelped as the alcohol hit the wound. "Hailey, I've been thinking-"

"That's never good." I said throwing the cotton ball away. I began essentially gluing the wound together.

"Lets wait a while to get the divorce." he blurted out. I stopped gluing and looked at him.

"Are you serious? Phil, we hate each other." I said.

"I know but we are good together." he said.

"Where have you been the last two days? We've argued the whole time and got into some serious shit."

"I know but watching the footage, I think I meant what I said."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. First, off we were drunk and I guess high would play into that too. Second, you think? Third that was high school Phil. We have barely talked since then. We see each other what? Once a year?" He stood up and walked closer to me.

"I think that what you say when you're drunk is what you want to say, but you have no guts to until your inebriated." he said looking down at me.

"Sit on the bed Phil. I have one more scratch then you are off." I said sternly with no emotion. He sat on the bed as I glued the last scratch. "You're done." I walked back to my make shift desk. He walked up behind me.

"Think about it. You don't have to have a definite answer for a while." he said as he kissed the side of my head and walked out of the room.

"Alan, you have anything that needs bandaging?" I screamed instead of yelled. I couldn't help it.

"Just my hand but I got it." he said.

"Stu?" I asked.

"Nope!" he yelled back.

"Fine." I said as I took off my robe and got dressed.

I looked at myself in the mirror I looked like Jessica Rabbit but with a shorter dress and a shorter slit up the side. I wore the same heels as the night before. Surprisingly they looked almost like new, give and take some damage but nothing like it should've been,

Stu walked in the room with his tux and whistled.

"Damn girl." He said as he walked over to me.

"Yeah, I'd be even better without this damned cast." I said, it was a sore sight compared to the rest of me.

"So I figured we could use another- whats wrong Hail?" Stu asked as I looked up at him emotionally stunned.

"He wants to postpone the divorce and see if we can work it out." I said. "I don't know how I should feel or what I should do."

"Do what you think is right." he said. "I cant tell you if its a good idea or a bad idea. But you have to admit this trip has changed something for the both of you. You were great in high school, well until he cheated on you. But you were good together." I nodded.

"What were you saying?" I asked him.

"Oh ya. I thought it would be a good idea to have another woman with us so I called Jade. I'm going to go pick her up when you guys go down." he said looking at me sheepishly.

"What else?" I asked knowing that look of his. He was holding something back.

"You and Phil are to play the torn couple. You'll be at the bar where you can survey the area for security to catch on. Jade will be looking out too but she will keep eye contact with you. Your sign to her is to drink your drink and put it down immediately. After that you will come over to Phil and ask him to go up stairs with you. Alan, Phil and yourself collect the chips as Jade and I distract the guards."

"Okay." I said.

"Okay." he said. "They're waiting for you out in the main room." I nodded as we got up and walked out.

"Hailey, forget what I said from earli-" Phil said as he stopped himself as I walked out of the room. "Beautiful." Phil loudly whispered.

"Lets go win us some money boys." I said walking past Stu, Alan and Phil, trying not to let what I was thinking get in the way. I waited at the elevator for them. When they reached the elevator Phil, Alan and I got in. Stu would wait for the next one. I linked my arm with Phil's as we went down the many floors.

"Gotta act the part." I said as he gave me a look.

"Sure." He said as we walked off the elevator and to the casino.


	16. Casino

**Awe you guy, you've reviewed so much :'). I feel so loved! I will add two chapters since this one is a little short compared to the others. :) Please review and as always enjoy. **

We rode the escalator down to the casino. Alan in front and Phil and I linked arm to arm behind him.

"I believe this is were we part." I said as kissed his cheek and walked over to the bar. I could see the black jack table perfectly.

"What would you like ma'am?" the bartender asked.

"Martini please." I answered and watched Phil and Stu gamble.

"Here you go." the bartender said minutes later.

"Thank you." I said as I sipped the beverage. It was refreshing after the day we had. I took this time to think about Phil's thoughts and I guess you would say proposition.

These last two days had been just weird. I mean I married my high school sweetheart, had sex in many public places and who knows where else, we stole a tiger, chickens, money, a police car, we lost Doug and got him kidnapped, got so drunk and drugged that we couldn't remember anything the next day, was in a shoot out, got tazed and pepper sprayed.

Alan's words rang through my head at that moment.

"_You guys needed this." _

It was true.

We all needed this.

I mean I have a pretty set routine. Wake up at 7, teaching at 8 til 3, study hall til 4 then home, cook and eat dinner with my glass of wine, take a shower, go over lesson plans for the next day, read, sleep, repeat. The weekends were just as bad. Saturday was cleaning and grocery shopping day, once in a while lunch with friends or family. Sunday was grading and going over lesson plans.

I'm sure Phil moved on after the divorce was final (maybe before) but Doug had told me he just wasn't the same guy.

Stu was wrapped around Melissa's finger so badly he couldn't even see straight.

Doug was stressed about the wedding and all of that. But Doug and Alan were the two that didn't need it as much as us.

All in all, we needed this.

"That's it! Shut up bitches!" Phil cheered Alan on and looked over at me.

Maybe he had changed.

I mean it was high school and no one is the same person they were in high school when they're in their late 20's early 30's.

He had been acting weird the whole trip. Ever since they picked me up. He had acted like such a jerk but he was joking and kidding around.

Oh my god, he was flirting.

Well, that hadn't changed. But after we had woke up this morning and most of this day, especially after he found out we got married, his attitude changed. He acted like he cared about me. Not even to mention the look on his face after he watched the security footage at Mikes.

Maybe we could give this a shot. Its not like I have anything better going on in my life. Plus if it didn't work out we could just get a simple divorce. I mean the commitment and marriage were already there, all we had to do was jump in the part.

I looked past the table at some security guards. I sipped my drink and placed it on the counter immediately. Jade nodded and whispered into Stu's ear. She nodded to me again. I walked up to Phil.

"Honey," I said in a sultry voice. "I'm getting tired. Will you come with me to the room and give me a massage?" I looked up at him. He looked down at me not being able to hide how turned on he was.

Jade looked over at me laughing at something Stu had supposedly said and fell out of her chair. Alan, Phil and I began to collect the chips as all of the attention was on her. When we collected it all we walked with haste to the car. Once Stu arrived at the car we got in and drove to the place the man in the trunk instructed.


	17. Mr Chow and the Wrong Doug

**Here is the next chapter. Please review and as always enjoy. **

"And 100, 200, 300, 400." Stu said as he was counting in the back with Alan. Phil and I rode in the front. "With all of this that's $82,400"

"Goddammit I don't fucking believe it!" Phil said.

"Hell ya!" I yelled.

"Whoo!" Stu yelled. The sun was beginning to rise as we drove down the deserted wash board highway.

"Alan! You're the man!" Phil exclaimed.

"You are too, Phil." he said.

"We should come back next week, take the whole city down." Phil said.

"No. I'm not coming back to Vegas for a while." I said.

"Oh, I'm free next week." Alan said.

"Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now." Stu said.

"Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that is totally fine." Alan said. I turned in my seat and looked at him.

"The Jonas Brothers?" I asked.

"I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around guys." Phil said with a huge smile on his face. "We're back baby. We are fucking back."

"We're back. Classic." Stu said. "We are back, we are back. We're getting Doug back!" Stu sang.

"That's right." I said laughing.

"And we're the four best friends that anybody could have. We're the four best friend that anyone could have. We're the four best friend that anyone could have. And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever leave each other. We're the best four friends that anybody could have. I mean the four best friends that anyone could have. That's right the four best friends that anyone could have." Alan sang. The previous joy we all had suddenly became awkward after Alan's song.

We drove to literally the middle of no where. By the time we got there it was 9 am. Phil parked the car about 20 feet from the car of the man from the trunk.

"Now what?" Phil asked.

"Give him the signal." Alan said.

"What signal?" I asked.

"Flash your lights. Let him know it's on." Alan said.

"Whats on?" Stu asked.

"The deal." Alan said.

"Of course its on. We drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows its on." Phil said.

"Phil, just do something." Stu said impatiently.

"Fine." He said as he flashed the lights. The men got out of the car in front of us.

"Oh shit." Phil said.

"See?" Alan said.

"How in the hell do you know that shit?" I asked.

"All right lets go." Phil said as he got out of the car and ran over to the passengers side to help me out.

"I should have put some spare clothes in the back before we went to the casino." I said as Phil placed me on the ground.

"Nah, I like the dress too much." he said as Stu got out. Thinking Alan was getting out right after Stu we began to walk forward towards the men from last night. We heard Alan grunt, we looked back and saw he had fallen out of the car.

"Funny fat guy fall on face." the man from the trunk laughed.

"You okay?" Stu asked. Alan nodded as we continued walking forward.

"Alright, we got the money. Eighty grand, cash." Phil said.

"Throw it over. Then I give you Doug." the man said.

"Fuck that." I said. Phil and Stu looked at me in surprise.

"Um, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. And we didn't catch your name last night." Stu said politely.

"Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow." the man said.

"Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu. And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money just to verify that he's okay. If that's cool." Stu said as politely as the first time.

"Of course, Stu. That is cool." Chow said as he clapped his hands and yelled something in a foreign language. One of the men behind Chow opened the door and pulled Doug out with the pillowcase still over his head.

"Oh thank God." Stu said.

"Okay." Alan said relieved.

"See, he fine. Now give me money or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers. And then we take it. Your choice, bitches." Chow said as the other man showed us his gun.

"Give him the money Stu." Phil said.

"Oh, yeah. Okay." Stu said as he tossed the money over. Chow yelped as the other man caught it and inspected it.

"It's all there." the man said.

"Let him go." Chow said. The man with Doug brought him over to us.

"All right. Take it easy. Take it easy." Phil said. The man took the pillowcase off Dougs head to reveal not Doug.

Stu shouted and backed away.

"That's not Doug." I said.

"Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?" Phil asked.

"That is not Doug." Stu said pointing at the man.

"What you talking about, Willis? That him." Chow said.

"No that not him." I said mocking his accent. Chow glared at me.

"No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow. That's not our friend. He- That's-" Stu said.

"The Doug we're looking for is a white." Alan said as the man who was still next to not Doug took the duct tape off his mouth. I raised my good hand and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy." the man said to Chow. "Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into?" the man came over to Alan.

"What?" I said in confusion.

"You know him?" Phil said.

"This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs. How you doing?" Alan said.

"I don't believe this shit." I said walking over to the drivers side of the car.

"I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs." the man said.

"Wait, he sold you the Ruphylin?" Stu asked.

"Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru-? Wha-?" the man asked confused.

"Who gives a shit? Where is Doug?" Phil asked finally going off the handles.

"I am Doug." the man said.

"Your name's Doug?" Alan asked the man.

"Yes, I'm Doug." the man said.

"His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up." Alan said chuckling. As Chow yawned and walked to his car.

"Come on." Chow said to his men.

"Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug." Phil said.

"Not my problem." Chow said.

"No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!" Phil yelled pissed off. I walked over to him.

"No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. Specially if he's with sexy legs over there." Doug said pointing to me.

"Shut up." I yelled at Doug pointing my finger at him. I turned to Phil and put an arm on his shoulder. "Phil, calm down."

"Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts!" Chow said as he grabbed himself.

"Ah. That's nasty." Doug said.

"Mmm. How that sound?" Chow said as he air jerked off. "So long, gay boys. Nice dress lady you look like a Jessica Rabbit." he said as he walked to the car door.

"Wait a second." Phil said as he tried to push me out of the way.

"Phil." I said.

"No, wait a second!" Phil yelled.

"He's a nasty little motherfucker." Doug said. Alan asked him something about ecstasy as Phil started to walk back and forth.

"Goddamn it!" he yelled as I walked after him trying to get him to calm down.

"Gosh darn it!" Alan said behind us.

"Shit!" Phil yelled.

"Shoot!" Alan repeated.

"Phil!" I screamed.

"What?" he yelled back.

"Get in the fucking car. All of you!" I screamed. Phil went towards the drivers seat. "Fuck you get in the passengers seat." I was beyond pissed. Another night with no sleep, pain radiating from literally every where on my body and for what? The wrong Doug.

"What?" Phil said.

"I'm driving." I said. Phil tossed me the keys as Doug got into the back with Alan. Stu was in the middle between Phil and I as I turned the car on and sped back the the highway.


	18. I Know Where Doug Is!

**Here is the next chapter. Please review and as always enjoy. **

I drove us back to the dirt highway and pulled over to the side of the road. I turned off the ignition and pulled the keys out. The luck that it was my left hand that broke became more apparent to me. I could still drive.

"What are you doing?" Stu asked as I handed Phil my phone.

"Call Tracy. Its after 11, she needs to know." I said with no emotion in my voice and got out of the car. Soon everyone followed. Doug walked off into a field to pee. Alan sat on top of the car. Stu and I leaned next to each other against the car. Phil walked across the highway and began to dial the phone.

"We did everything we could." Stu said. I shook my head.

"Doesn't matter. I came on this trip to make sure something like this didn't happen. I didn't even do that right. I missed my best friends bridal shower that I had planned all by myself. And I lost my other best friend. Stu, what if he is dead?" I said looking down then to Stu. Before he could answer Doug came over to us.

"Thanks for the lift back to town." Doug said.

"I got a question for you." Stu said as he stood up blocking my view of Doug and his view of me.

"What's up?" Doug asked. I took off my shoes and put them in the passengers side of the car. The dirt and sand felt warm under my toes.

"How did you wind up in Chow's car?" Stu asked.

"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday." Doug said.

"Okay, but why? I mean why you?" Stu asked. I stood up and stood next to Stu intrigued now.

"Because he thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio." Doug said.

"What?" I asked.

"We were at the Bellagio?" Alan asked.

"Yeah, we were shooting craps. You don't remember?" Doug asked.

"No we don't remember." I said looking at the man.

"Some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy." Stu said.

"Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?" Doug asked.

"You have got to be the dumbest shittiest drug dealer." I said shaking my head.

"Ruphylin, for your information, is the date-rape drug. You sold Alan roofies!" Stu said explaining to him.

"Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan." Doug said.

"Ya, your fault." I said.

"Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one." Doug said.

"Whatever." Stu said as he leaned against the car again shaking his head as he looked up at me. I shrugged my shoulders and looked over to Phil who was still talking on the phone.

"It's funny, because just the other day me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies. You know what I'm talking about?" Doug asked.

"No. I don't know." I said as Stu looked straight.

"Why not floories right? Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies?" Doug said. As Stu kept staring.

"Stu?" I asked.

"That's a good name for them." Doug kept talking.

"Are you okay?" I asked him as he didn't respond to me.

"Or how about rapies?" Alan asked.

"Wait, what did you just say?" Stu asked Doug. Ignoring me all together.

"Rapies." Alan said.

"Not you. Doug, what did you say before?" Stu asked standing up again.

"I said groundies." Doug said.

"No, before that. You said, 'You're more likely to wind up on the floor than..." Stu said as it hit him. "Phil!" he said as he began to run towards him. I ran after Stu.

"Stu?" I asked. As he tackled Phil to the ground and grabbed the phone. I walked over to the two.

"Tracy, it's Stu." Stu said as he talked on the phone. "Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil. He's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night."

"What the fuck?" Phil said as he rolled over.

"I don't know." I said as I helped him sit up.

"He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch. And uh- we're in a big hurry to get back, so we gotta get going. Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye." Stu said as he hung up the phone handing it to me.

"Stu. What the hell?" I asked as Phil sat at my feet trying to breath.

"What the fuck man?" Phil said as he tried to attack Stu.

"I know where Doug is." Stu said as he fought him off.

"You do?" I asked as Stu nodded. "You're driving." I tossed the keys to him as we ran to the car and got in. The only people switching were Stu and I.

"I don't know. It just came to me. It just hit me." Stu said. "Remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on the statue?"

"Yeah, we threw it out the window." Phil said.

"No impossible. You cant open windows in Vegas hotels." Stu said.

"Well, then how did it get-" I began to ask as it hit me. "Oh my god."

"Oh my God!" Phil said as he got it at the same time.

"Whoa, wait whats going on?" Alan asked.

"Doug was trying to signal someone." Stu said.

"Holy shit." Phil said suddenly more relaxed and happy.

"Yes." Stu said.

"Wait. How did you figure that out?" I asked.

"Doug made me realized it." Stu said.

"Doug?" I asked.

"Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug." Stu said.

"Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on." Doug said.

"Sorry." Stu said.

"Can someone tell me where white Doug is?" Alan asked.

"He's on the roof, Alan." Phil said.

"Yes." I said.

"He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof." Stu said.

"Like that time in summer camp." Phil said laughing. "Remember we moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?"

"Wow really?" I asked hearing this story for the first time.

"Which was hilarious. Its not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him." Stu said.

"You guys are fucking retarded, you know that?" Doug said.

"Holy shit. You think he's still up there?" Phil asked.

"There's only one way to find out." Stu said as we drove back to the city of sin.


	19. Doug!

**We're getting close to the end! Thank you for all who have reviewed in the last couple days. It means a lot. For many of you know I have a poll (for those of you who care Riddick will hopefully be up sometime early next week and is off the poll). The Hangover part 2 is now an option. So go vote :) Please review and as always enjoy. **

Once we got to the hotel we gave the keys to the parking boy. Doug yelled a thanks and walked down the street as we ran into the hotel and to the elevator. We rode it as far as we could then took the stairs. We bust through the door as Alan out something in front of the door to keep it open.

"Doug!" We all yelled.

"Doug, you up here buddy?" Phil yelled.

"Doug!" I yelled running around the roof.

"Where you at Doug?" Phil yelled.

"Hey guys!" Stu yelled. We all began running towards him before he could finish his sentence. "He's over here!"

"Hey, I found him he's over here!" Alan yelled as we ran towards Doug who was very sun burned.

"Doug, Doug, Doug." I said as I sat next to him. He looked at me then Stu.

"He's okay! You're okay!" Stu yelled laughing. "Oh, God. We gotta go buddy. Come on."

"Ya, you gotta get hitched." I said as Stu and I tried to help him up.

"Oh we have been looking everywhere for you." Stu said as he held Doug.

"He's alive." Alan said as he came over. Phil was right behind him.

"What the fuck is going on?" Doug yelled.

"We can explain everything, but right now we gotta go. I cant have you miss your wedding Tracy already wants to kill me." I said.

"Hey, bud. You okay?" Phil asked.

"No. Not okay." Doug said as he was completely out of it.

"You look good, you got some color. I'm jealous." Phil said.

"I'm getting married today." Doug said.

"Yes, you are." Phil said. "That's why you need to focus and do everything we say. Because frankly, you're wasting a little bit of time right now."

"Phil." I said as I looked over at him.

"You fucking asshole!" Doug said as he charged Phil.

"Doug!" I yelled as I tried to grab him. They both hit the ground as Doug instantly rolled over screaming.

"Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns." he said. Alan got to the ground right next to Doug.

"Its okay its not your fault, Doug." Alan said as he stroked his face.

"Don't touch me. Shut up. All of you shut up. Just get me home. Just get me home." Doug said.

"Okay guys you heard him. Lets get him home." Phil said as he stood up next to me.

"Okay Phil and Alan help Doug get to the room. Stu you call up a wheel chair and call for flights to LA I don't care the cost we need to be on the next flight out of Vegas." I said as we helped Doug up off the ground.

"What are you going to do?" Alan asked.

"Pack everyone's shit up and get Doug some ice water and Aloe Vera." I said. "Lets go." Stu and I ran to the door and to the hotel room. He went to the phone as I went to my bathroom and started a cold bath. I went to everyone's rooms and shoved everyone's crap in to their suitcases and put them buy the door. There was a knock at the door I opened it and let the guys in.

"Take him to my bathroom. There is a cold bath running for him." I said to Phil and Alan. "I'm going to take these bags to the car and grab some aloe on the way up as well as a hat." I yelled to who ever was listening. I grabbed 3 out of the 5 bags, not including mine, and went to the elevator. I placed the bags on a bag cart and began walking over to the man we gave the keys to.

"Hailey?" a woman asked. I turned and saw Jade.

"Hey, Jade." I said with a smile.

"Did you find Doug?" she walked over.

"Yes, he was on the roof." I said.

"The roof?" she asked and shook her head.

"You here to talk to Stu?" I asked. She nodded. "You can come up if you'd like." I offered.

"I'll just wait here." she said.

"Would you mind watching our stuff?" I asked feeling kinda guilty for doing so.

"Of course." She said. I nodded a thanks and pulled out my phone. 18 missed calls. 12 new text messages. I clicked all the way to a new contact.

"Take my number and put in yours. Just in case." I said as I gave her my phone. "Just put it in one of those bags when you're done." I walked back into the building and to the gift shop.

"Do you have any Aloe Vera?" I asked the cashier. As I grabbed a hat.

"Ya, how big of a bottle?" the cashier said.

"A big one." I said as I walked up to the counter and placed a bottle water and the hat on the counter as she rang everything up including the Aloe Vera. I placed a twenty down and she gave me the change as I ran back to the elevator and went back up to the room. I knocked on the door and Stu opened it. I walked in.

"Is he still in the bath?" I asked Stu he nodded as he was still on the phone. "Hows the flight plan coming along?"

"They're checking right now." Stu whispered. I nodded and walked off to my room.

"We don't know. She woke up with the cast." Phil said as I appeared at the door way. Phil looked up at me. He was sitting next to the tub.

"Here's some cold water and Aloe. Get out of the tub soon we gotta get you on the road, Mr. Lobster man." I joked.

"Funny." Doug said.

"Where's Alan?" I asked.

"He went to get the wheelchair." Phil said. I nodded.

"I'll leave you two, to it then." I said as I left the room. Stu was still on hold in the next room. The wheelchair had appeared and the bags were gone.

"Where's Alan?" I asked again.

"He's waiting with our stuff down stairs." Stu whispered. I nodded and sat on the couch and waited for a couple of minutes. Tracy was going to kill me. Doug came out of my room in a robe from another bathroom.

"Ready to go?" I asked as I got up. I walked over to him with the chair. He nodded and sat in the chair. Phil wheeled Doug to the elevator as Stu and I walked behind him. I then realized I still wasn't wearing any shoes. I shrugged my shoulders and continued walking. We went down to the lobby and out the doors. Stu was still on hold as his face lit up.

"Not a problem." he said as we walked to the doors. "What about the one after that? You cant be serious. Oh goddamn it." He hung up the phone.

"What?" I asked.

"Every flight to LA is booked." Stu said.

"What about Burbank?" Phil asked.

"Sold out." Stu said.

"Oh fuck!" Phil said.

"We're going to have to drive then." I said.

"We cant drive there Hailey. The wedding starts in three and a half hours." Phil said as we all stood at the car.

"We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?" Stu said as he noticed Jade sitting on a bench. I looked at the luggage and saw my phone tucked into the outer pockets of my suitcase.

"Alan where's the car?" Phil asked.

"It's on its way." Alan said.

"Go talk." I said as Stu jogged over to her.

"We will leave without you." Phil yelled.

"No we wont." I said smacking his arm.

"Is he missing a tooth?" Doug asked.

"Yeah." Alan answered laughing. Phil and I began to laugh as well.

"We'll tell you all about it on the way home." I said smiling as the car pulled up next to us. "Lets get the roof down."

"No more sun." Doug said.

"Only a little more. Plus you have a cute hat." I said as Alan pulled the roof down.

"Phil, you're driving." I said.

"Getting along way to well." Doug said as I helped him up and into the passengers seat. I sat in the back behind Doug.

"Alan. It's fine its down." I said.

"No I gotta get it down first." Alan said as he fiddled with the contraption.

"Jesus Christ. Look out." Phil said as he stepped into the back seat next to me.

"Don't mess the car up." Alan said as Phil began jumping on the roof as he shoved it into the compartment. "You're going to mess the car up."

"That's long gone Alan." I said.

"Can I sit in the front?" Alan asked.

"Come on Doug." I said as Phil and I helped him into the back where I was sitting. Once everyone was in their desired seats Phil and Alan stood on there's. Phil hit the windshield.

"Stu. Come on." Phil said. Alan repeated what he did.

"Stu. Come on." Alan said. Doug looked over at me confused. Phil looked at Alan then to Doug and I. I shook my head. Stu ran to the car and hopped in on my other side.

"All right lets go!" Phil said as we drove off from the hotel.


	20. The Wedding

**Here is the next chapter. Please review and as always enjoy. **

We were making record time. Phil drove like a mad man, the reason why we didn't let him drive in the first place.

"At least the trip wasn't a total disaster." Doug said as he held onto his hat.

"What makes you say that?" Alan asked.

"When I woke up on the roof I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket." Doug said.

"No fucking way." I said with a huge smile.

"Oh my god!" Stu exclaimed.

"Looks like we're going home with some money, guys." Doug said with the chips in his hand.

We began telling Doug some of the things that had happened while he was on the roof, the only part we left out was Phil and I getting married. Stu decided to tell him about his marriage and how he was coming back to Vegas next week to take her out on a date.

"Oh Hailey." Alan said.

"Yes Alan?" I asked.

"When I was waiting with all of our stuff, I pulled out your make up kit. I wasn't able to get your dress." Alan said as he handed me my make up bag.

"What do you mean?" I asked as a car began to honk at us.

"Here he comes. That's him." Alan said as he stood up in the car. A van that said _The Tux Shop_ came really close to us. The door opened revealing a man that looked like he was from an 80's stoner movie.

"Hey Neeco!" Alan said as Stu stood up as well.

"Hey what's up, Alan?" Neeco said as he threw a brown sac at Stu. He handed it to me which I handed it to Doug.

"Whoa, look out!" Neeco yelled. We looked forward as the car in front of us wasn't going as fast as we were.

"Oh shit." Phil said as he swerved out of the way. The cars came back together as Neeco gave another package to Stu.

"Thanks Neeco!" Stu said as they shook hands.

"No problem guys." he said.

"Page me!" Alan yelled as the van began to slow down.

"Adios." Neeco said.

"Who the hell was that guy?" I asked.

"That's my buddy." Alan said, I nodded.

"So, Tux's?" I asked holding the package in my hand.

"You gotta get ready darling so the moment we get there you jump in that dress and run to that alter." Phil said. I nodded and opened my make up bag. Phil pulled over as the guys got out and changed on the side of the highway. I did my make up at record speed not wanting to do it while we were driving. My hair was pretty decent considering all that it was going through with the wind. The make up covered my eyes better than before, granted I was in the sun and the lighting looked different but my eyes were looking better. Once everyone was done they jumped back into the car and we were off again. Doug was shaving his face when we were nearing the wedding as Stu was getting his socks on.

"When we get there let me jump out first before you start moving." I said as I was ready to go. 10 minutes before the wedding ceremony was to begin, we pulled up to the wedding. I ran out and ran in the house. Everyone stared at me as I darted to the room where Tracy had told me during rehearsal it would be. I shimmied out of my red dress and threw the black maid of honor dress on as Tracy came through the door.

"What the hell Hailey?" she said sounding pissed.

"I know, I know. I am so sorry Tracy but they are right behind me. I did like I promised I got them here. I will explain everything later." I said as I put my shoes on.

"Here's your corsage." She said with a pout. I put it on my wrist and looked up at her.

"What the hell happened to your arm?" she asked as she just noticed.

"I don't know." I said as she looked at me quizzically. "I'll explain later I promise. Right now you have to get married to my other best friend." She smacked my arm in rage and then hugged me.

"I owe you a party too." I said as we were embraced in the hug.

"I know. don't forget the big wedding present too." She said as we came out of the hug.

"You look stunning." I said.

"I know. Thank you." she said tearing up.

"You look better than I did on my wedding day." I blurted out and left the room to begin my procession down the aisle.

"Hailey!" she screamed as I stood in front of the bridesmaids.

"Hello, Hailey." Christina said from behind me. She had been jealous that I was chosen to be the maid of honor. "So nice of you to show up."

"Thanks Christina. Oh and by the way, those weaves aren't fooling anyone." I said to her. She scoffed as the procession music began to play. I walked to the aisle where I coincidentally met up with Phil. We linked arms and met a waiting Doug at the end.

"Just like old times." Phil whispered.

"Shut up, jack ass." I whispered back with a smile. Everyone made it down the aisle as we stood and waited for the bride. The music began as everyone stood and gasped at how beautiful Tracy looked. She walked down the aisle with a confused but happy look as she saw lobster Doug. When she got to the end and kissed her father she turned to me.

"Fell asleep in the tanning bed." I whispered as she nodded. The wedding went on without a hitch and it was so beautiful.


	21. An Answer and the Pictures

**Only one more chapter after this! Review lots and it might pop up sooner than you think. :) As always enjoy. **

Everyone was on the dance floor, dancing to _Candy Shop_. I held a glass of Champagne in my hand and gazed at the newly wed couple with a smile.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" I heard from behind me. I turned and saw Phil's kid run up to him and cling to him. Stephanie was standing off to the side of them with her new girlfriend.

"Hey, little man! How was your soccer game?" Phil asked as he held his son. I felt awkward for staring so I walked away to get some strawberries at the food bar.

"Hey look its Auntie Hailey." I heard Phils voice behind me.

"Hey buddy how's it going." I said glaring daggers at Phil.

"Care to join us at our table for a little wine and dine?" Phil asked as his son smiled at me.

"Sure." I said as I followed them to the table. We were sitting there as Phil was about to start a conversation a woman began to yell.

"What the fuck is going on Stu?" the woman yelled. Phil and I looked at each other as he covered his sons ears.

"Melissa." We both said.

"What happened to your arm?" Phil's son asked me.

"I fell out of a tree." I said.

"Really?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, that's why you always listen to your daddy when he says not to climb trees." I said as Phil cracked a smile at me.

"That is not how this works!" Melissa screamed at Stu. Everyone stopped and stared at the two.

"Oh good. Cause whatever this is ain't working for me!" Stu said. Phil and I had matching grins.

"Our boy is growing up." I said wiping away a fake tear.

"Oh really since when?" She yelled back.

"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!" Stu yelled back at her. Stephanie walked up to the table.

"Hello, Hailey." she said disgusted.

"Hello Steph." I said with a smile as I continued to watch Stu and Melissa break up.

"Alan, shall we dance?" he asked Alan.

"Damn, I missed the finale. Excuse me but my boys are dancing." I said as I ran to the dance floor where Stu, Doug, and Tracy were. The music had started back up as we all laughed and cheered. Phil was right behind me. We all danced like crazy for one song as it ended.

"Oh, Doug. My dad wants to see you." Tracy said. We all looked at each other in fear.

"Okay." He said as he kissed his bride and walked off to the house.

"May I have a word?" Phil asked me holding his arm out to be linked with mine. Tracy looked at us like we were zombies.

"Sure." I said as I winked to Tracy and Phil walked my through the grass to an area with minimal people.

"So have you thought about it?" Phil asked.

"I don't know Phil. I mean, we were great once. Maybe it ran its course. I mean you have a kid now and we both have our careers." I said.

"That's all you have Hailey." he said.

"Shut up that's not my point." I said. "My point is, maybe if we start off slow. And I mean slow, just because we are technically married doesn't mean we can do whatever we want to. You have to charm and woo me and take me out on dates. And buy flowers and candy." I spouted things that came to my mind as he interrupted me with a kiss. Much like the one in front of Mike Tyson.

"That a yes?" he asked.

"Yes, Phil I will date you. Even though we are already hitched." I said as he kissed me again.

"What the fuck?" Tracy said as she stood next to us. We looked over at her.

"Surprise!" I said as I ran to her. "I told you, I'll explain later. Its your day today."

"Whats going on?" Doug said as he walked up to Tracy and I.

"They were kissing." Tracy said in shock pointing to us.

"What? No. Not Phil and Hailey." Doug said as he held hands with his wife. Tracy's eyes widened as she remembered what I had said before.

"No, Tracy. Its your day." I repeated stepping back to Phil as we walked off. "3rd wedding in one weekend. Record for me, what about you Phil?"

"Me too." he said as we disappeared from the two.

After a couple of hours we found ourselves on a separate deck away from the wedding party. Stephanie left with her girlfriend leaving Phil with his son. We were all sitting in a circle except for Alan who had run off earlier.

"Dougie I gotta tell you, man, this was a gorgeous wedding." Stu said as we all sat in the seats completely relaxed for the first time this weekend.

"I give it six months." Phil said.

"You're a dick." Stu said.

"I give us 3." I said to Phil he just laughed.

"So what happened with that?" Doug asked as Tracy had told him her suspicions.

"It was a two for one deal with Stu's wedding." I said.

"Huh. I don't know what to say guys. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?" Doug said dropping the fact Phil and I were married.

"Yeah. I just wish we could actually remember some of it." Stu said with a laugh.

"You know what? Me too. Even thought what I know is close to a disaster." I said.

"Hey, guys? Look what I found." Alan said as he showed up with a camera in his hand.

"Whoa, that's my camera." Stu said.

"Yeah it was lodged in the back seat of the car." Alan said.

"Oh, go- are there photo's on it?" Phil asked.

"Yeah. Some of it is even worse than we thought." Alan said.

"I take back what I said." I said.

"No fucking way. Give me that." Phil said as he stood up with his kid still passed out in his arms.

"Wa—wa—wait." Stu said.

"Wait, wait, wait." Doug said grabbing the camera and looking at the party. Everyone was either standing or on the edge of their seats. "We look at these pictures together okay? One time. And then we delete the evidence."

"I don't know if I want to see anymore of Hailey and Phil." Stu said.

"Shut up." I said.

"I say we delete it right now." Stu said standing up.

"Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital." Phil said.

"And how I broke my arm." I said standing up.

"Is it in there?" Phil asked.

"Yeah, it's in there." Alan laughed.

"Okay guys, one time. Deal?" Doug said.

"Deal." we all said as we huddled around him. We began scrolling through the photos swearing, stating how that couldn't have happened.

The first couple of pictures were of Alan passed out with a hooker. The Stu with a bunch of presumed hookers. Mr. Chow showed up in a couple. Phil and I were making out and swapping a lollipop in a couple more.

We learned how Stu met Jade. We learned I still knew my wanna be stripper skills as I used them on Phil at the place that Jade worked. We found out how Stu lost his tooth, he pulled it out. There were pic's of when we found the police car, with Alan shooting off the shot gun into the air. More gambling pics with Mr. Chow.

A random limo ride where I appeared to be riding Phil. Doing coke and shots with Carrot top. Alan getting his belly button pierced and myself getting a tattoo. Stu picking a fight with Wayne Newton. Me punching Wayne Newton with my broken hand, Phil punching Wayne Newton and Phil falling on me as I fell on my broken hand. Pictures of my broken hand that was visibly broken. Alan swimming in the Caesars fountain.

Then there were hospital pictures of getting my cast on, and Phil completely passed out.

There were pictures of Doug on the roof on his mattress passed out. We had apparently snuck into Mike Tyson's room and took pictures of him while he was passed out with a random woman. There were of course pictures of the tiger and the tiger in the cop car. There were pictures of Alan getting a blow job.

Then there was a long series of the two weddings. After that we deleted the pics and sat down without saying a thing to one another.


	22. Finale

**Dalonega Noquisi: Yeah it was in the earlier chapters, no one really talked about it because her wounds were worse.**

**Here is the last chapter. Thank you all who reviewed and made this story so popular. There will be a sequel and it will be in the polls, so go and vote. (You can vote up to 3 so if you see something else you want please vote). Please review and as always enjoy. :)**

We sat in silence.

"Wow." Stu said as he looked straight ahead.

"Yeah." Doug said as he looked ahead of him.

"Hailey I didn't know you could move like that." Phil said as he looked over at me then straight ahead of him.

"Phil!" Stu, Doug and I all said.

"What its true." he said innocently.

"I cant believe we did all of that in one night." I said as we were all still in shock.

"You made out with a woman." Alan said looking at all of us with the same dumb smile on his face from the entire weekend.

"That actually explains a lot." I said nodding. Silence followed my comment as we sat staring into nothing. The charges the police had on us were bad, if they had found that camera we would've been fucked. We stole so many things, we shot off a gun in public, bought hookers, had sex in public or sexual acts for that matter. It was ridiculous.

"Is it okay that after this wedding we don't talk for a week?" I asked. "I've seen way too much of all of you, I need to repress it." The pictures flashed through my mind, Alan getting a blow job came up at that point.

"I think that would be best." Doug said not taking his eyes away from his staring contest with a tree.

"That excludes Phil thought right? Cause you guys are married and all." Alan said. I looked over at him.

"It would have never worked anyway. Lets just agree right now we never talk about this weekend again. Other than the things that still affect us, like marriage and physical wounds." Phil said as he looked up at us. We all now were looking at one another.

"I love you guys. But never again, okay?" I said.

"Agreed." Doug said as he lifted his drink and sipped it.

"Of course." Stu said as he lifted his drink and drank.

"As long as we still hang out." Alan said.

"Of course Alan." we all said as he sipped his coke.

"Yeah, it was fun but hell no on a repeat." Phil said as he laughed and drank. We toasted and talked about the wonders of Doug and Tracy. Eventually we all went our separate ways.

"I'll see you soon?" I asked Phil as he buckled his still passed out son into the car.

"Yeah." he said as he stood up and closed the car door. "We fucked up didn't we."

"Yeah, we did. But hopefully it opened some new doors and opportunities."I said.

"Now that is very true." he said as he closed the gap between us. "Do you agree, Mrs. Wenneck?"

"Yes, but call me Hailey." I said with a smile as he leaned down to kiss me.

1 month later.

"Please no, please no, please no." I said over and over again as I looked at the stupid plastic stick. Phil was sitting in the living room with a paper bag. Great way to start out our 6th date.

6th date in not even a month.

It helped that we both worked the same hours and had the same job.

Some of our dates were just going over to either one of our houses and grading papers while watching a movie. But dates nevertheless.

"What is it?" he asked as he took a deep breath.

"Not ready yet." I said as I still stared at the stupid thing. I heard him get off the couch and walk over to the bathroom.

"I don't understand..." he said.

"It must be from Doug's bachelors party." I said.

"But we used a condom." Phil said looking at me almost pleading for me not to be.

"That one time. Who knows how many times we actually did it." I said shaking my head.

"I cant believe this." he said running his hand through his hair.

"You cant believe this? You went through it with Eli, this will be my first kid." I said almost getting angry.

"Well at least we're married right?" he said with a smirk on his face.

"Oh god." I said laughing as I walked closer to him. He hugged me to his chest as we stood there.

"I think its ready." he said as he let me go. I looked down at the evil plastic stick.

"Well, guess we better start buying diapers. We've got a baby coming." I said as the stick read, pregnant.


End file.
